Peter Gariepy Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 So, a cowboy walks into a German car dealership and says "Audi." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhigdog Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Cowboy's horse walks into a bar and takes a seat. Bar tender comes over asks "Hey pal why the long face?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 So, a cowboy walks into a German car dealership and says "Audi."**snicker** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R W Burgess Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 So, a cowboy walks into a German car dealership and says "Audi."Had to ask the wife what that meant!Hey, I'm an editor. I can't read letters that aren't there! :eek:Wayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R Walling Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 A mechanic walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amphicar BUYER Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 A dog sits at the bar with one foot bandaged..Bartender asks what he wants.Dog reples "I'm here lookin for the man who shot my paw" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_padavano Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"Try it again more slowly.A TERMITE walks into a bar and asks"Is the bar TENDER here?"BADDA BING... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhigdog Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 So a cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days andleaves on Saturday. How is this possible?His horse is named " friday".I know a great joke about a bartender and a dog named "Chunks" but if I posted it here I'd be banned for life...........Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rusty_OToole Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Man walks into a doctor's office and says "I have a strawberry stuck in my bum"The doctor says "We have a cream for that"Believe it or not that joke's a riot in England Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Twunk Rack Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Some guy in the Packard section asked about his flocked up trunk. Work on that, guys....! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 A skeleton walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer.......and a mop". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarlLaFong Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barkeep sez, "We don't serve your kind here, take a walk." The rope goes outside, ties himself into a knot and frizzes his end. He strolls back in and the guy sez, "Say, aren't you that rope that I just threw out of here?" The rope sez, "'No I'm afraid not."........................groan! ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 The first joke told by my then 4 year-old nephew, now a Deputy Sheriff.What goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield? It's butt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest billybird Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 I dreamed last night I was a muffler.........................Woke up exhausted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keiser31 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 The first joke told by my then 4 year-old nephew, now a Deputy Sheriff.What goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield? It's butt. Bet he does'nt have the GUTS to do that again!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave@Moon Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 So a Japanese engineer walks into the Hofbrau house in Munich and announces he's designed a car. A group of German engineers at the back table ask how long it took him. The Japanese engineer says "2 weeks." The Germans reply "Dat soon?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
West Peterson Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Three cowboys walk into a bar... the fourth one ducked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCHinson Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCHinson Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCHinson Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest billybird Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Have you heard about the guy who squirrel hunted without a gun? When he saw one in a tree he would make terrible, ugly faces at it and the squirrel would drop to the ground graveyard dead! One friend commented how amazing that he could ugly them to death. The hunter said yes, I used to take my wife with me but she tore "em up so bad we could'nt eat "em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keiser31 Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 (edited) A friend got me on one when I first met him. We were talking old cars and I was a little naive at knowing some of them. He says to me "I know where there is a 1930 Henway" I said, "A Henway? What's a Henway?" He looked at me in wonderment and said "About 8 pounds." He also got me REALLY good on another. He says to me "There's this guy out in the desert and he has this sporty looking old runabout. It has a badge on the radiator and some of the letters can still be read. Some of the letters are "utz earca"." Well I started freaking out and said "What??? A Stutz Bearcat? Where is it? Where is it?" He started laughing his pies off and I knew right then he was jerking my chain. Edited November 30, 2009 by keiser31 (see edit history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seldenguy Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Ther's nothing worser than driving a Mercer, but you got to be nuts to drive a Stutz! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted November 30, 2009 Share Posted November 30, 2009 Why did the chicken cross the road?To show the 'possum it could be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Dobbin Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Last summer we went to the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. and saw the possum they had on display in the American History Transpotation Exhibit. It's the only one ever to make it across the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jrope Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 A ham sandwich walks into a bar The bartender says " I'm sorry but we don't serve food here". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bill Harmatuk Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing eye dog.......Grabs the dog by the tail and swings the dog around and around and around.The bar tender runs around from behind the bar and says. "WHAT IN THE $#)( ARE YOU DOING."The blind man says. "Just looking around."Bill H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clipper47 Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) Quasimoto walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me a Scotch"Bartender asks "Bell's OK"Quasimoto "Don't get personal!"(groan..) Edited December 1, 2009 by Clipper47 (see edit history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty Roth Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 WHY DID THE POSSUM CROSS THE ROAD ?TO SHOW THE ARMADILLO THAT IT COULD BE DONE !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Restorer32 Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause that's where he parked his coupe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R Walling Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 What did one fish say to the other when they were swimming up river and hit a brick wall?.................... DAM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Friartuck Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Gessipie Marconi decides to travel to Italy for 2 weeks of business and pleasure. He enters a New York City bank and applies for a $5,000 loan. The bank approves the loan, but only with some form of security and Marconi is quick to offer his brand new Ferrari as collateral. The bank verifies the title, takes the keys and parks it in their basement garage. During his trip the bank investigates and discovers that Marconi is loaded; he really didn't need this $5,000 loan. Upon his return, Marconi repays the loan and $22.07 interest. The inquisitive loan officer asks Marconi, why the loan, he didn't need it given his financial status. Marconi replies "Where else could I park in the middle of New York City for $22.07 for two weeks and expect to find my car upon my return?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 36chev Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Why did the boy bubble chase the girl bubble around the bathtub?To see her bust... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest doberman Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 Man walks into a bar and orders a beer. when finished he knocksthe man off the stool beside him. as the guy gets up this fellow tells himthat was judo from japan. he orders another beer and as he finnishesit he knocks the guy off the stool again saying that was karate fromkorea. well the guy gets back up and geting tired of geting knockedoff his stool he leaves the bar. 10 min. later he walks back in and knocks this smarty off his stool and tells the bartender that when he wakesup to tell him that was a tire tool from sears and roebuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 WHY DID THE POSSUM CROSS THE ROAD ?TO SHOW THE ARMADILLO THAT IT COULD BE DONE !!Why did God make Armadillos?So folks from Louisiana could have possum on the half shell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
28 Chrysler Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 What did the cowboy say when his dog fell over the cliff ?Dog gone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1940_Buick Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 A blind man is telling a friend how much he enjoys sky diving. The friend is shocked and asks "how can you tell when your getting close to the ground". The blind man says "I can smell the earth, trees, and grass". The friend is astonished and asks "But how can you tell when your about to hit the ground?". The blind man replies "the leash goes slack". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1940_Buick Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Have you heard about the guy who squirrel hunted without a gun? When he saw one in a tree he would make terrible, ugly faces at it and the squirrel would drop to the ground graveyard dead! One friend commented how amazing that he could ugly them to death. The hunter said yes, I used to take my wife with me but she tore "em up so bad we could'nt eat "em.That one just cracked me up:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest billybird Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 How about the guy who just never could get along with his mother-in-law? They fought, argued, and cussed at one another for 25 years, untill one day the mother-in-law died suddenly. At the funeral home the man took one look at his mother-in-law in the casket and just lost it I mean he went all to peices, sobbing uncontrolably. Someone finally said; man whats wrong, when she was alive y'all could'nt stand one another whats wrong? Looking up through his tears the man said "I though I saw her move". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Three not so bright hunters go into the wooda to hunt deer. One goes to the right, one to the left and one goes straight into the woods. About an hour later the hunter on the right hears a shot and then he hears the hunter to the left screaming for him to come help him.When he gets there the hunter has shot the third hunter. They carry him out of the woods and take him to the local E.R. Several hours pass and the surgeon comes out to update them on their friend. "He's going to be okay. But it would have been easier if you hadn't field dressed him before you brought him in". :eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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