Laws

[Peter Gariepy]

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF PROBABILITY

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

LAW OF THE TELEPHONE

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

LAW OF THE ALIBI

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

VARIATION LAW

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

LAW OF THE BATH

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

LAW OF THE THEATER

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

LAW OF LOCATION

No matter where you go, there you are.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

BROWN'S LAW

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

OLIVER'S LAW

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

WILSON'S LAW

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

DOCTORS' LAW

If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[Guest elmo39]

Peter i like it , no matter where you live in the world that is one law that knows no border

[Guest elmo39]

sorry i meant to say one set of laws.

[Curti]

Schwartches Law: Murphy is an optimest!

[Bhigdog]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> LAW OF THE TELEPHONE

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

</div></div>

And if you get a busy signal you will never know if it was a wrong number.

[Bhigdog]

And, if there is a 50-50 chance of anything it will go wrong 75% of the time..........Bob

[Guest Skyking]

LAW OF THE LOCKS

If you have 4 keys that look alike, the last one will open the door.

[Shop Rat]

<span style="font-weight: bold">Law of the Dog</span>

It will always take longer to find "the perfect spot" if it is a.) Raining and/or cold or b.) The owner is watching a first run show on TV that they have waited all week to see.

(Refer to avatar photo of my Dalmatian. )

[joe_padavano]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Peter Gariepy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...LAW OF THE WORKSHOP

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner...</div></div>

Gee, in my garage any dropped tool rolls directly under the geometric center of the car...

[Guest AlK]

LAW OF POPULAR TV SHOWS:

If you like the show, the actors and the segements, they will cancel it after 2 airings for something stupid.

[Shop Rat]

<span style="font-weight: bold">Law of the Vehicle Trash Container</span>

It will NEVER dump over if you only have dry trash in it.

[Rusty_OToole]

Cole's Law - shredded cabbage with salad dressing.

[Steve_Mack_CT]

Law of the Bird

If multiple cars are in the driveway, and a bird relieves itself when passing overhead, the ordinance will land on the cleanest vehicle. This is especially true if it is freshly detailed.

[Matt Harwood]

HARWOOD'S LAW:

Two vehicles travelling in opposite directions will always pass at the narrowest point in the road (cyclist, pile of leaves, parked car, etc.).

[Restorer32]

JEFF'S SPARE PARTS THEOREM

There are always more horse's arses in the world than there are horses

[Guest AlK]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Steve_Mack_CT</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Law of the Bird

If multiple cars are in the driveway, and a bird relieves itself when passing overhead, the ordinance will land on the cleanest vehicle. This is especially true if it is freshly detailed. </div></div>

There is the Playboy exception to this rule.

If there is a convertible with the top down the ordinance will land there whether it is clean or not and regardless of what the ordinance was fired at.

[charlier]

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR #2

After your hands become coated with grease you will cut yourself on a sharp part of the vehicle and get grease & grime in the cut.

That necessitates that you stop what you are doing to clean the cut and stop the bleeding.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP #2

Any nut or bolt, when dropped, will find it's way into a place where a magnet or three-fingered retrievel tool cannot reach.

LAW OF THE TELEPHONE #2

When working underneath your vehicle and expecting a telephone call the cordless phone will never be within arms reach when it rings. If the phone is handy and it rings it will be someone selling something, a politician, a charitable organization looking for a dontation or a wrong number.

DOCTORS' LAW #2

The wait time in a doctor's office will always be longer than the amount of magazines there are to read or the life of your laptop computer's battery.

[Peter Gariepy]

LAW OF FORUM POSTS

Regardless of the subject of the original post someone will inevitably post something totally unrelated.

[Shop Rat]

<span style="font-style: italic">BILL'S LAW OF KEYS </span>

No matter what vehicle he heads to....he will have the wrong set of keys in his hand. (Cursing optional)

[Guest Skyking]

LAW OF THE SHOPPERS

If you enter an isle for the item you need, there will be somebody in your way looking for the same item. (this happens always, even if there's only one person in the store)........

[Restorer32]

LAW OF MODERATOR INEVITABILITY

Just when a thread gets interesting a moderator will inevitably remind posters that the discussion has strayed from the original post, thereby immediatelly killing the thread.

[Peter Gariepy]

.... i rest my case ...

[Shop Rat]

<span style="font-weight: bold">LAW OF STONE VS. WINDSHIELD</span>

Stones never damage a windshield in need of replacement so that insurance will cover it.

[R Walling]

A drop light, no mater how it is hung or placed, will shine directly into the mechanics face.

[Starfire61]

No matter how long that spare part has been lying around, you'll always need it after you sell it or throw it away...

[R W Burgess]

No matter how old you feel, someone will have a birthday with a nice birthday cake with candles to brighten up one's day!

Happy Birthday Susan!

[Shop Rat]

<span style="font-weight: bold">LAW OF BIRTHDAYS</span>

That someone will have their birthday on the same day you do. Case in point, the little girl that turned seven today and we were both at Red Lobster to celebrate. I have fifty years on her.

I also share my birthday with the NASCAR driver Michael Waltrip. Not sure how many years I have on him. Sad note Dale Earnhardt was born one day before I was in 1951. I made it to my fiftieth birthday and he didn't, he died that year at Daytona.

And also, that a friend will notice your birthday cake and wish you Happy Birthday. Thanks Wayne.

(Now back to our regularly scheduled topic.)

[charlier]

LAW OF BIRTHDAYS, Part 2

One of my roommates in college has the same birthday as me.

Also, my first name is his middle name and my middle name is his first name.

He was also born in the same city and area where my mother grew up.

He and I always used to wonder about all that.

(Now back to our regularly scheduled topic.)

[RVAnderson]

TRANSUNION'S LAW

If 3 others have the same name as you, and one of them has bad credit, his report will always appear under your name.