Buick Funnies

[MrEarl]

when "The Clapper" (clap on, clap off lights) was so popular I had kids believing that Buick invented the Clap Start engine back in the '40's. I'd be sitting in the car with the hood up, they would clap and the engine would start. Even had my wife believing it for about half a minute. There's probably some of those kids that are now adults still spreading that word.

[Guest BigDogDaddy]

This was a story that has stuck in my mind for a long time. Joan Rivers was hosting the Tonight Show for Johnny Carson. she had on a guest who was telling everyone all about their fabulous summer vacation in some exotic place. I don't remember Joan's exact words leading up to her punch line, but her line was :

Last year we spent the summer laying out on the Riviera tanning ourselves...........................This year, we're going to rotate the tires and give it a tune up !

[Guest BigDogDaddy]

A penguin was driving through the desert when his car broke down. He waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. His car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of hours to check out the car.

The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain but wandered off to find the closest supermarket. He proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks.

After an hour he got in the freezer next to the vanilla ice cream and ate several gallons. Then he saw the time and went back to the garage covered in ice cream.

The mechanic walked over to him wiping his hands and shaking his head saying, "It looks like you blew a seal."

Blushing, the penguin said, "Oh no! It's just ice cream."

[Guest BigDogDaddy]

A gynecologist decides to quit his job to fufill his life long dream of becoming a mechanic. He decides to take mechanic courses and he does so for a couple of months up until he must take the test. The test consists of taking apart a car's engine and putting it together perfectly for a score of 200.

He does his test and feels confident that he did well.

A week later he receives a call,

"This is your regarding your test," The man on the phone says.

"Yes, how did I do?"

"You got 400 over 200"

"400 over 200? how did I get that?"

"You got 100 for taking the motor apart perfectly."

"Ok"

"You got 100 for putting it together perfectly."

"So I got a perfect score? How did I get the other extra 200?"

The man hesitates and answers, "That's for doing it all through the muffler!"

[MrEarl]

Moderator Note: Not shaking my finger at anyone in particular, but please remember that this is a Family Friendly forum. Blah blah blah yea right…I realize there aren't a lot of 10 year olds and saintly moms and grandmas here, but please ladies and gentlemen, do consider, understand and be respectful of the many members with different levels of common decency, religious and moral beliefs, ideals and values that exist on this great forum. There is often a little voice in your head that whispers to you when you are about to post something that is a little iffy and might exceed the speed limit…. listen to it. Also, don't trust that little voice if it has been drinking.

Thanks, MrE

[Guest Texas Old Car Guy]

Well said Lamar!

[buick5563]

....Blah blah blah.......

...I realize there aren't a lot of 10 year olds and saintly moms and grandmas here...

...Also, don't trust that little voice if it has been drinking.

While I have disdain for the easily offended AND I work as "blue" or worse than many other folks around here AND I have been known to post whilst drinking.

I do agree.

Noted.

[Bleach]

I applaud Lamar for his diplomatic approach of moderating this forum. I received a polite PM from him about a post I made here instead of him anonymously deleting it without an explanation like its been done elsewhere on the AACA.

[retirednow]

X2 computers should have breathaliizers to screen inappropriate posts!! ...Or maybe not...Some of my best ideas come to fruition after a little or a lot of liquid libation!! ...Or maybe not!!

While I have disdain for the easily offended AND I work as "blue" or worse than many other folks around here AND I have been known to post whilst drinking.

I do agree.

Noted.

[buick5563]

I applaud Lamar for his diplomatic approach of moderating this forum. I received a polite PM from him about a post I made here instead of him anonymously deleting it without an explanation like its been done elsewhere on the AACA.

+1

[MrEarl]

Thanks guys, luckily for me and Roberta, you all are a mannerly, courteous and respectful group of trustworthy adults. You deserve to be moderated in the same respect. It's all about trust and respect. Two words that worked to get my two kids through school, college and into their careers. And thank God it worked.

[JohnD1956]

4 Bufords and Johnd1956 relaxing with Uncle Shakes at the Amhearst Railway society annual show, at the Big E site in Springfield Mass.

[avgwarhawk]

[avgwarhawk]

[avgwarhawk]

At least we know Buick survives the invasion.

[Dave Gelinas (XP-300)]

What's a 710?

A beautiful blonde woman walks into a Buick service dept. She asks the service advisor if they have a 710. He asks, what's a 710? The blonde says she doesn't know but it is in the middle of her engine and it's missing.

The service advisor ask's her to draw a picture of one, which she does. She writes 710. He then walks her to a Buick like her's and ask's her if she could point out the 710 on that car.

She points to it and says it's right there. Upon seeing the 710 the service advisor passed out right in front of her.

To see what a 710 is see the photo in the next post.

Your gonna die.

Edited May 3, 2013 by xp-300 (see edit history)

[Dave Gelinas (XP-300)]

.....and here's a 710.

Edited May 2, 2013 by xp-300 (see edit history)

[Guest BigDogDaddy]

I've heard that one before, but it is a good one.

[Bleach]

You know with this hand we'll finally be able to get that new Buick.

[Caballero2]

A portrait of yours truly,

[Dandy Dave]

Moderator Note: Not shaking my finger at anyone in particular, but please remember that this is a Family Friendly forum. Blah blah blah yea right…I realize there aren't a lot of 10 year olds and saintly moms and grandmas here, but please ladies and gentlemen, do consider, understand and be respectful of the many members with different levels of common decency, religious and moral beliefs, ideals and values that exist on this great forum. There is often a little voice in your head that whispers to you when you are about to post something that is a little iffy and might exceed the speed limit…. listen to it. Also, don't trust that little voice if it has been drinking.

Thanks, MrE

Oh, the little voices. After a few rounds with Captian Morgan they start talking back.... They tell me I live on the edge.... :eek: but don't ye be jumping off of the gang plank matey. The water may be shallow and you'll be breakin you neck. Arrrrrr Matey. Ey ey Captian Earl. :cool: Sounds like the makings for a new drink... Captian Earls 54 Buick Gardens Rum.... (Yum Yum.) Now what to use, and what to mix it with??? Hummm, The possibilities. The Roadmaster, The Super, The Special, The Skylark, The Landau.... Off to the lavatory... Dandy Dave!

Edited May 9, 2013 by Dandy Dave (see edit history)

[stock_steve]

Steve

2003 Buick LeSabre, Dark Bronzemist Metallic

BCA #47004<!-- google_ad_section_end -->

[Thriller]

Oh, the little voices. After a few rounds with Captian Morgan they start talking back.... They tell me I live on the edge.... :eek: but don't ye be jumping off of the gang plank matey. The water may be shallow and you'll be breakin you neck. Arrrrrr Matey. Ey ey Captian Earl. :cool: Sounds like the makings for a new drink... Captian Earls 54 Buick Gardens Rum.... (Yum Yum.) Now what to use, and what to mix it with??? Hummm, The possibilities. The Roadmaster, The Super, The Special, The Skylark, The Landau.... Off to the lavatory... Dandy Dave!

Buick Gardens...would have to be peach schnapps, wouldn't it? Use up them there fine Georgia peaches....

[Dandy Dave]

Buick Gardens...would have to be peach schnapps, wouldn't it? Use up them there fine Georgia peaches....

And lordy knows, I loves them Georgia Peachs. (Yum, Yum!) Dandy Dave!

[Guest BigDogDaddy]

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[TD=class: forumMsg]What kind of bear stands out in a light rain ?

A Drizzly Bear

What is the best time to go to the Dentist ?

Tooth Hurty

A Momma tomato, and Poppa tomato, and a baby tomato had gone out for a walk. The baby tomato kept lagging behind. Finally the Poppa tomato got mad. He went and squished the baby tomato and yelled

Catch up ! [/TD]

[/TR]

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[bhambulldog]

An old blonde goes to see an eye doctor, and upon inspection, the doctor tells her, "It looks like you have a cataract." The blonde says, "No, I drive a Buick."

Hahahaha! Funny

[Earl B.]

True story... honest it is.... An uncle by marriage, a lawyer and big in real estate, as in he wasn't poor, would buy a suit, with four extra pair of pants. So, one day he was wanting a new car, and went to look at the new Roadmasters. This was late thirties, early forties. When he had been at the Buick dealership a few minutes, he was asked to leave. The salesman said because they don't allow vagrants to hang around there. I've seen a picture of him, and, well, he was probably close as far as looks.. So, John went down to the Chrysler dealership and bought a new Imperial. He pulled out the cash and paid for it. He drove back to the Buick dealership, and saw the salesman on the lot.. and called out to him.. Don't worry, I won't bother you again....

[avgwarhawk]

[avgwarhawk]

[avgwarhawk]

[Guest ole buick]

"There's nothing like that old car smell."

Ewww, too much information...

Maybe not funny but Rob's quote "theres nothing like that old car smell" was used by my wife on Sunday.

She has not supported my hobby quite the way I had hoped for. However, she came around when I restored a Chevrolet and now she actually requests to go out for a ride or maybe out to eat in the car . But it was a total nut and bolt restoration, air cond, disc brakes etc, etc.. When I found the Buick and she finally gave in, she did not come around so fast. I've noticed that she walks by it and sticks her head in to smell it from time to time. So Sunday afternoon, about 78 degrees, I got the Buick out and we went for a long ride in the country and about half way through the ride she said "you know there isn't anything like the smell of these old cars". I busted out laughing and had to explain that I had seen the quote in this forum.

I believe the smell it what is going to bring her around.

[Bleach]

That quote comes from my sig. I don't claim coining it. It seems to have come to me out of the blue but I'm sure I must have seen it somewhere before I used it.

[MrEarl]

and none if made in Tennessee, right Donnie.....

[RivNut]

I was coaching freshman girls high school softball and our practice field was at a middle school about a mile from the high school. An unexpected downpour started and I piled about six of these freshman girls into my '63 Riviera to wait out the rain or until their parents came to pick them up. We were listening to the radio and one of them said "Isn't there a better station we could listen to?" I told point at the radio and snap her fingers. It would change stations when I pressed the Wonderbar switch under the brake pedal. For about five minutes I really gave that radio a work out. They all left thinking I had the "coolest radio;" I never told them anything more.

My dad had just gotten a '57 Century, the first non-manual transmission he'd ever owned. We were at a stop sign one time and the car in front of us had stalled. My dad found a time to pass the guy and he instinctively grabbed the shifter and pulled it back and down - first gear on the manual, reverse on the Dynaflow. He floored the accelerator thinking he was going to shoot past the guy but in actuality we shot backwards. Momentum sent everyone in the car forward and the guy behind us was leaning on his horn. We didn't hit him but dad sheepishly put the car in drive and we drove off. Knowing my dad the way she did, when we got home, Mom said that we should never talk about that again. It just makes me smile now that I think back about it. Dad, if you're watching over me, I hope you're smiling too.

Ed

[Guest BigDogDaddy]

Ed, that is indeed funny...now. Yikes ! You're trick with the Wonderbar is similar to the trick I do with the starter on my '40. I play the trick on little kids. they get a kick out of it.