R W Burgess Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 APHORISM: <O:p</O:pA SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR PERHAPS A GENERAL TRUTH.1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2.. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. 4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? 9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job. 10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 a.m. <O:p</O:pLike...It could be a right number. 13. No one ever says 'It's only a game.' when their team is winning. 14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap. 15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. <O:p</O:p16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. 17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?(And rap music will be the Golden Oldies !) 18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo. 19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,you are probably dead! Always be yourself. Because the people that matter, don't mind. And the one's that mind, don't matter. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.<O:p</O:p</O:p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 20. Life isn't about waiting out the storm. It's about learning how to dance in the rain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keiser31 Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Susan...I LOVE that attitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Marx Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 ......and in the right wind and the right bridge, YUGO's can fly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gary Hearn Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 YUGO - You go in that and I will walk....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stealthbob Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a CadillacA little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back."Don Henley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Green Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Rules of the Universe 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.) 7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other. 13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed. 17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Green Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandy Dave Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 20. Life isn't about waiting out the storm. It's about learning how to dance in the rain. I was working inside yesterday on a tractor transmission and along came a fast moving lighting storm. I danced away from it and waited for the storm to pass. While waiting the building was struck and I could see the current jumping out of the electric outlets and arching on the steel bench across the shop. :eek: Good thing I sat down in a wooden chair away from anything metal. It rained so hard that after a bit the water flooded the shop, but by then most of the lightning had passed. Old injun wize man say. "Is good to dance in rain, but when lightnin dance is better to sit down in tee pee." Dandy Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reatta Man Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 To add to Wayne and Susan's list:21. The best things in life are not things. 22. Bark less, wag more. 23. Life looks better through the windshield of a convertible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Susan...I LOVE that attitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thanks keiser31. 24. Yes I hear voices and no they don't like you either. 25. Why is it the batteries in the keyless remote always go out during a downpour and never on a sunny day? :eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R W Burgess Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 26. Why is it that the most vocal on this web site, are also, generally, the nuttiest? (An original-thank you!)Wayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keiser31 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 26. Why is it that the most vocal on this web site, are also, generally, the nuttiest? (An original-thank you!)Wayne It's hard to keep a good nut down! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 53Nailhead Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.....Couldn't resist, in high school Fr. G used to end his class with this advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 26. Why is it that the most vocal on this web site, are also, generally, the nuttiest? (An original-thank you!)WayneThis from a guy that wears Hawaiian shirts and a jester's hat. :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.....Couldn't resist, in high school Fr. G used to end his class with this adviceClean being preferred to....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R W Burgess Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 (edited) This from a guy that wears Hawaiian shirts and a jester's hat. :cool:Susan, I'm under contract for advertizing these high quality garments. The head wear is especially stylish, but we're having trouble getting it to catch on! :cool:Wayne Edited July 31, 2009 by R W Burgess Another misspelled word! :) (see edit history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 The head wear is especially stylish, but we're having trouble getting it to catch on! :cool:WayneGuess I better bring the one I inherited from my dad and wear it at Hershey. Green, gold and purple!!!! :cool: 27. No, that is not gas money in the glove box. It's bail money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandy Dave Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 (edited) Susan, I'm under contract for advertizing these high quality garments. The head wear is especially stylish, but we're having trouble getting it to catch on! :cool:WayneI've been trying to get my Speedo wrenching suits to catch on for years with out much luck. First in point is that you never have any buttons of buckles to scatch the paint. Second is that you never have any long loose clothing to get caught on anything when you are underneath...... Third point, I think the problem is that not everyone looks as good as I do in a speedo. Dandy Dave! Edited July 31, 2009 by Dandy Dave (see edit history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R W Burgess Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 Third point, I think the problem is that not everyone looks as good as I do in a speedo. Dandy Dave!Hey Dave, how about sending that photo so we all can pass an opinion to ya! :cool: Wayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keiser31 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Hey Dave, how about sending that photo so we all can pass an opinion to ya! :cool: WayneEEEWWW!!! There are some things that you just cannot scratch out of your mind's eye!! Thanks for the visual!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Green Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. LONGEVITYMarried men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Did You Know… <O:p></O:p>That the words race car spelled backward spells race car? <O:p></O:p>That "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the end, it spells it's past tense, "ate." <O:p></O:p> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Bruce aka First Born Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Boy some people have too much time on their hands!! This thread has been a blast. Ben Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 28. Honest honey, there really is a whole car in here. **Now if I could only remember where it all goes.** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandy Dave Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 Hey Dave, how about sending that photo so we all can pass an opinionto ya! :cool: WayneAs everyone knows, every photo has a story......While on tour last year with the Pre War Buick Club, the 1915 Buick developed a flat. So here I is before I prepare to find the leak....And here I is looking for the leak.....Oh,.... I found it!!! Dandy Dave's Speedo Repair at it's finest. LOL....I have a fan club every time I mow my lawn. I had a nice young lady just the other day who stopped by the road, got out of her car with a camera in hand, and chased me down the lawn giving me a thumbs up and shooting photos as she went. I guess I'm just a girl magnet. Dandy Dave! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R W Burgess Posted August 1, 2009 Author Share Posted August 1, 2009 :eek: You ain't right, Dave!!!!!!Welcome to the "Ain't Right" Club! :cool:Wayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandy Dave Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 :eek: You ain't right, Dave!!!!!!Welcome to the "Ain't Right" Club! :cool:WayneWell,.... at least the ladies don't agree with you Wayne...LOL..... Dandy Dave! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 I have a fan club every time I mow my lawn. I had a nice young lady just the other day who stopped by the road, got out of her car with a camera in hand, and chased me down the lawn giving me a thumbs up and shooting photos as she went. I guess I'm just a girl magnet. Dandy Dave!So is your lawncare attire the same as your "Find-A-Leak" attire? If not then you need to post photos for us ladies. Gives a whole new meaning to "Speedo" in the automotive world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandy Dave Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I ain't "Dandy Dave's Speedo Repair Service" for nothing ya all know. And it isn't because I'm fast. Most of the time things are in pretty sad shape by the time I get called to fix them, and many times parts are made fom "unobtainium" which really slows things down. LOL....OK Susan, Here I is mowing the lawn. I call this one my Captian America Suit. While we are at it, has anyone ever seen another mower like this. It is a Devere and has to be at least 40 years old judging by the Wisconsin Motor that is on it. Toughest mower I have ever seen. Dandy Dave! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 53Nailhead Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Clean being preferred to....... Looks like someone was paying attention in Sister Mary Catherine's latin class;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 53Nailhead Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I ain't "Dandy Dave's Speedo Repair Service" for nothing ya all know. And it isn't because I'm fast. Most of the time things are in pretty sad shape by the time I get called to fix them, and many times parts are made fom "unobtainium" which really slows things down. LOL....OK Susan, Here I is mowing the lawn. I call this one my Captian America Suit. While we are at it, has anyone ever seen another mower like this. It is a Devere and has to be at least 40 years old judging by the Wisconsin Motor that is on it. Toughest mower I have ever seen. Dandy Dave!:eek: ROFLMAO!!! Think I'll put off lunch for awhile... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 OK Susan, Here I is mowing the lawn. I call this one my Captian America Suit. Dandy Dave!Uh, anyone ever suggested using a flash when it gets that dark? Hey, you look much better in a Speedo that a lot of those guys you see wearing them on the French Rivera. With some of them you can't find the Speedo for the "spare tire". :eek: (See how I made it auto related?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCHinson Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Dave, I can't identify the mower due to how dark the photo is.... Thank God it is that dark... please don't anybody do any photoshop work on it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest windjamer Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Susan you sick puppy. Dave, you got to be smokeing som-ton. MC. turn out the lights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 ... please don't anybody do any photoshop work on it....Coward!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shop Rat Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Susan you sick puppy.I resemble that remark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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