Guest imported_MrEarl Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. 2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "SH**!!!" 3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. 4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads. 5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. 6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. 7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of. 8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. 9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. 10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. 11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas fir. 12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. 13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots. 14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. 15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect. 16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. 17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. 18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. 19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads. 20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal- burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and rounds them off. 21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. 22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. 23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer now-a- days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. 24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, and plastic parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smartin Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_MrEarl Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> </div></div>Adam, you and the 60 Electra came to mind when I posted this. I thought you for one would appreciate a couple of them. I can certainly identify with a few. Especially the wire wheel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles2 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 MrEarl: You have obviously been there! Great laugh but also a lot of truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Green Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Thanks for posting, good stuff. I have a friend in the restoration business who always says "Why do you think they call it a trouble light." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reatta Man Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Laughing too hard right now! Too true! NOW I know why you have to love old cars to put up with all of this!Great stuff; sending it to every mechanic I know!Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smartin Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 The WIRE WHEEL one hit closest to home. I can't tell you how many times I was on the floor looking for a rogue washer or nut that zipped out of my fingers while I was cleaning it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old-tank Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 All of these tools are efficient blood-letting devices.Remember: "People who use tools bleed a lot"Willie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Thriller Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Ow...if it isn't get a bigger hammer, it's apply more heat, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Green Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Quote; "The WIRE WHEEL one hit closest to home. I can't tell you how many times I was on the floor looking for a rogue washer or nut that zipped out of my fingers while I was cleaning it."Now add to that a epoxy floor that has thousands of flakes / speckles and it makes it interesting looking for small parts separated from the wire wheel launch pad. You truly do get to be one with your floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brh Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 This is hilarious!!!! It hits real close to home. Do you know wire wheels are also great for making holes in your shirt should you be holding it a little too close. Have one to add. Bumper Jack: device once used on cars but now must useful on the repair of chain link fences. Great post!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_buick5563 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I know this isn't completely relevant to the conversation but I had to use my MAPP gas torch defrosting my frozen pipes on my pier and beam house today that is currently "skirtless". You Canadians stop sending that cold weather down to Texas. It's gonna be 20 (fahrenheit) tonight.Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_Thriller Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You Canadians stop sending that cold weather down to Texas. It's gonna be 20 (fahrenheit) tonight.Mike </div></div>Chuckle...it's getting warmer...tomorrow we are supposed to get almost to the freezing mark...haven't seen that for a while...Sunday I was ice fishing on about a foot of ice...lots of Americans at www.iceshanty.com might want to lynch you for a statement like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ewing Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 number 1 actually is connected to a story here. One of our 'senior' members was working on a model T rad shell and fabricating a piece of sheet metal on a related project. The type of thing he's done hundreds of times. He has worked on these cars for a dog's age , but this day he took a short cut and decided that he could drill out the little hole he needed and not use a clamp to hold the piece.Well, you know what followed, but the worst happened, and the metal piece spun and severed his thumb. You know, the thumb holding the piece of metal.On garage tours he displayed his thumb to all the rookie and veteran car buffs. He kept it in a jar on the garage window sill as a reminder to think and take your time when working in the garage on these old cars.A great lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imported_buick5563 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots. </div></div>Mr. Earl,Why does it always come back to poo with you? Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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