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Tool definitions

Guest imported_MrEarl

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Guest imported_MrEarl

1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching

flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the

chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against

that freshly painted part you were drying.

2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere

under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes

fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time

it takes you to say, "SH**!!!"

3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in

their holes until you die of old age.

4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads.

5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board

principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable

motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more

dismal your future becomes.

6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else

is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat

to the palm of your hand.

7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various

flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the

grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and

motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or

1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the

ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping

the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an

automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially

Douglas fir.

12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has

another hydraulic floor jack.

13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool

for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from

your boots.

14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt

holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the

tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect.

16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying

tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on

the end without the handle.

17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth. Sometimes

called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine

vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health

benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at

about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during,

say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark

than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style

paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be

used, as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips

screw heads.

20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-

burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed

air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips

rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and

rounds them off.

21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip

or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer now-a-

days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not

far from the object we are trying to hit.

24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of

cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly

well on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, and

plastic parts.

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Guest imported_MrEarl

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> grin.gifgrin.gifgrin.gif </div></div>

Adam, you and the 60 Electra came to mind when I posted this. I thought you for one would appreciate a couple of them. I can certainly identify with a few. Especially the wire wheel.

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Quote; "The WIRE WHEEL one hit closest to home. I can't tell you how many times I was on the floor looking for a rogue washer or nut that zipped out of my fingers while I was cleaning it."

Now add to that a epoxy floor that has thousands of flakes / speckles and it makes it interesting looking for small parts separated from the wire wheel launch pad. You truly do get to be one with your floor.

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This is hilarious!!!! It hits real close to home. Do you know wire wheels are also great for making holes in your shirt should you be holding it a little too close. Have one to add. Bumper Jack: device once used on cars but now must useful on the repair of chain link fences. Great post!!!!

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<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You Canadians stop sending that cold weather down to Texas. It's gonna be 20 (fahrenheit) tonight.

Mike </div></div>

Chuckle...it's getting warmer...tomorrow we are supposed to get almost to the freezing mark...haven't seen that for a while...Sunday I was ice fishing on about a foot of ice...lots of Americans at www.iceshanty.com might want to lynch you for a statement like that cool.gif

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number 1 actually is connected to a story here. One of our 'senior' members was working on a model T rad shell and fabricating a piece of sheet metal on a related project. The type of thing he's done hundreds of times. He has worked on these cars for a dog's age , but this day he took a short cut and decided that he could drill out the little hole he needed and not use a clamp to hold the piece.

Well, you know what followed, but the worst happened, and the metal piece spun and severed his thumb. You know, the thumb holding the piece of metal.

On garage tours he displayed his thumb to all the rookie and veteran car buffs.

He kept it in a jar on the garage window sill as a reminder to think and take your time when working in the garage on these old cars.

A great lesson.

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