oil change

[old-tank]

Subject: Oil Change<P><BR> Oil Change instructions for Women:<P>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since<BR>the last oil change<BR>2) Drink a cup of coffee.<BR>3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.<P>Money spent: * Oil Change $20.00 * Coffee $ 1.00 *<BR>Total $21.00.<P>Oil Change instructions for Men:<P>1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,<BR>kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.<BR>2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of recycling it<BR>properly, dump in hole in back yard. <BR>3) Open a beer and drink it<BR>4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.<BR>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.<BR>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.<BR>7) Place drain pan under engine.<BR>8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.<BR>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.<BR>10) Unscrew drain plug.<BR>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in the<BR>process.<BR>12) Clean up mess.<BR>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.<BR>14) Look for oil filter wrench.<BR>15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.<BR>16) Beer.<BR>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.<BR>18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.<BR>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.<BR>20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday<BR> 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.<BR>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.<BR>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.<BR>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.<BR>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.<BR>26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along<BR>with drain plug. (IDIOT!!)<BR>27) Drink beer.<BR>28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.<BR>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.<BR>30) Drink beer.<BR>31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.<BR>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.<BR>33) Begin cussing fit.<BR>34) Throw wrench.<BR>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992)<BR>in the left boob.<BR>36) Beer.<BR>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop bloodflow.<BR>38) Beer.<BR>39) Beer<BR>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.<BR>41) Beer.<BR>42) Lower car from jack stands.<BR>43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.<BR>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.<BR>45) Beer.<BR>46) Test drive car.<BR>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.<BR>48) Car gets impounded.<BR>49) Make bail.<BR>50) Get car from impound yard.<BR>Money spent: Parts $50.00<BR>DUI $2500.00<BR>Impound fee $75.00<BR>Bail $1500.00<BR>Beer $25.00<BR>Total-- $4150.00<P>But you know the job was done right!!!

[Guest Skyking]

This reminds me, I have to change my oil this week.............

[Guest]

OMG,<BR>That was WAY too funny! But sometimes true!

[Guest]

Now you've done it, I peed my pants!