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DALLAS, TX April 1, 2009

Led by United States Attorney General Erik Holderer, 150 agents of the Occupational and Safety Health Association in full riot gear and wearing HAZMAT protection raided Vintage Steam Products in Dallas, Texas, shutting down the operation in what the Attorney General described as a shameful abuse of children and a total disregard for the health and safety of the entire population of North Texas.

“We rarely see this kind of disgusting exploitation. This country passed child labor laws early in the last century and yet some ruthless businessmen still refuse to obey the law and continue to use their children as virtual slaves,” said Holderer.

The Attorney General acted on reports from anonymous members of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) who found two dead squirrels on Allencrest Lane outside the home of Donald and Carolyn Hoke where Vintage Steam Products is located. “We believe these squirrels were killed by inhaling dust from the illegal cutting and packaging of Diplag 95,” said Holderer who brushed off a reporter’s observation that both squirrels showed signs of having been run over by a truck. “Sure they were run over, but only because their lungs were so incapacitated they could not run fast enough.” PETA secured the bodies of both squirrels and is running post mortem lung capacity tests.

“Furthermore,” said, Holderer, “photographs showing the children packaging the Diplag 95 clearly show a complete disregard for their health.” “Oh, Sure, they are wearing dust masks,” said Holderer, “but the wrong masks! Federal regulations (OSHA Regulations 1979.45.143, subparagraph 58, section 149B, D, and L) clearly require a Grade 47 respirator, with a diogenized carbon-lignite flotonium filter. These children are wearing the old Grade 46 respirators with a diogenized carbon-lignote filter.”

As Donald and Carolyn Hoke were perp walked in handcuffs to the waiting police cars, their tearful daughter clung to Holderer’s leg. “But I’m 18 years old,” cried CJ Hoke, “and I love working on steam cars with my dad in the garage. It’s one of those daddy-daughter bonding things.”

Speaking on behalf of the Hokes, Attorney Bob Lyon (of the firm Lyon, Cheetum, Steele, & Ripemoff, LLP) said “Gosh, there might not be much we can do, once the feds get involved, we tend to back off a little. Maybe we can get the Hokes released on bond sometime in June or July or arrange a visit from their daughter in September.”

Vintage Steam Products, LLC

Donald & Carolyn Hoke, Proprietors

Successors to Art Hart, Proprietor

4431 Allencrest Lane

Dallas, TX 75244-7506



(972) 661-9672 (Phone)

(972) 955-7614 (Cell)

Replacement Winker Glasses Now Available!

Coming Soon to the Vintage Steam Products Web Site – Condensing Car Wheel Pullers!



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Also purchased on the black market was this blonde haired, blue eyed child assistant (girl) to handle all labor and needed duties related to attendance of car shows.

Only requires food, roof, and hopefully a swimming pool at the destination.


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