What was the all-time stupidest car movie?

[Dave@Moon]

What was the dumbest thing you ever saw in a car movie?

The most recent thing that comes to mind for me is the first racing scenes between Dale Earnhardt and his father in ESPN's new made-for-TV movie <span style="font-style: italic">3</span>. They have Dale competing against 1955-1957 era dirt track cars (mainly Chevy's and Fords, all V8's of course) with a 1960 Falcon! Bear in mind that the engine bay of the first Falcons were <span style="font-style: italic">way</span> too small to accept a V8 without massive surgery to the (uni-)body. This would've compromised the integrity of the chassis so much that the poor little thing likely wouldn't made it over a decent size clump of dirt without collapsing, let alone survived a rough and tumble dirt track race.

Of course Burt Reynolds throwing the collumn shift into park every time he parked his moonshine-running LTD in <span style="font-style: italic">White Lightning</span> [color:\\"red\\"](which had a huge manual shifter sticking up through the floor that he seemed to like to play with while driving) seems pretty dumb, too! (Watch for the scene in which the speedometer rises to 110 mph, with the gear shift indicator plainly visible in PARK.)

[ex98thdrill]

Well you also have the Blues Brothers doing a back flip with their Dodge Monaco. Another thing that I've noticed is the number of cars where you hear them start up and you get the sound of a Mopar starter (70's Dusters, Darts, etc.)

[1937hd45]

One of the funniest impressions I ever heard was a buddy doing a MOPAR starter in the wintertime. NONONONONONnonononono..................................

[Twitch]

As I recall <span style="font-style: italic">Stroker Ace</span> was kinda lame.

[Guest John Chapman]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...Falcons were <span style="font-style: italic">way</span> too small to accept a V8 without massive surgery to the (uni-)body.</div></div>

Dave, not so. Ford actually put the 260 V8 into the '64 Falcon Sprint (1960-1964 shared the same basic body.) This engine footprint would accomodate the 260, 289 and 302 (same block) and the later 351 series blocks without modification to the engine compartment, save for moving the battery to the trunk. Even that modification can be avoided by using the '64 1/2 inner fender panel, a bolt-in modification, which allows the battery to be turned 90 degrees for clearance.

The period-correct motor for this modification would have been the Ford 'Y' block (239, 256, 272, 292 & 312) or an early FE block (332, 352, 390, 406, 427) which are also very managable swaps into the first series Falcons.

JMC

[Oxnard Montalvo]

The NBC series that ran from Sept.'65 to Sept.'66 starring Jerry Van Dyke as Dave Crabtree and titled "My Mother the Car" has to be the worst piece of VIDEO ever created that had anything to do with automobiles. His mother was reincarnated as a 1928 Porter Convertible who spoke through the radio. What pure corn on corn. Thankfully the show only lasted one season.

[oldford]

Dave, I'll try to give an answer similar to yours, in that the movie wasn't stupid, but it did have a rediculous scene or two....

There was a made for TV movie about Henry Ford a few years ago that started out with a camera moving through the Ford plant in the summer of 1908, presumably to 'listen' in on the conversations between H. Ford and his design team. You could hear them remark about the new 4 cylinder engine in the new Model T, and how this car was going to revolutionize the industry. As the camera entered the room, there on the floor between the men, was a brand new 1926-27 engine with wide pedals!!! Now you would think the technical assistants on the movie set could have figured that one out...

[tailfin58]

I can't say these are my picks for ALL Car movies but here goes..

WORST RACING MOVIE....

definately DAYS OF THUNDER w/ Tom Cruise

very roughly based on the Tim Richmond AIDS Story

this sorry flick was an embarrasssment even to the NASACAR Drivers

that appeared in it....

BEST RACING MOVIE

GREASED LIGHTNING With

Richard Pryor inan early role as ELMO SCOTT

the only sucessful Black driver thus far in

NASCAR RACING this one sticks closer to the real story

and doesen't try to be too PC

FAVORITE CAR MOVIE

(A must see for any one thinking of a career in commision retail sales )

TIN MEN with Danny DeVito and Richard Dreyfus

as competeing aluminum siding salesmen in 1964 Baltimore.

Devito's charactor runs His '61 Caddy into Dreyfuses'brand new '64

as he is backing it out of the showroom....and it takes off from there..

If you love Tailfin Cadillacs of the 50's and 60's BUY THIS FILM!

you will keep hitting the pause and rewind buttons to spot them all !

Its even a great movie about the scams and heartbreaks

of selling

anything to make a living. I sold cars for a short time years ago

and could relate to the "Highs and Lows" of this profession through the movie.

BTW

I also liked Christine too, best scene is when Christine

is caught in the garage explosion and fire surely a goner ,

but then comes backing out through the inferno

and races away trailing flames.... awesome !

Tailfin58

Western Mass

[Mike Dube]

How about "Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World? Its a pretty stupid story really, but is actually entertaining. A Huge cast (including Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney, Buddy Hackett and Milton Berle), driving all over Southern California on a fools errand. Shot in 1961 or 62, the newest cars are a '60-61 Imperial ragtop and what I think is a '62 Dodge Lancer sedan. Lots of older trucks and cars. In the opening scene, Jimmy Durante drives off a cliff in a '57 Fairlane. Some of the scenes of what I think is the Malibu area from 40 + years ago are priceless.

[rocketraider]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I can't say these are my picks for ALL Car movies but here goes..

BEST RACING MOVIE

GREASED LIGHTNING With

Richard Pryor inan early role as ELMO SCOTT

the only sucessful Black driver thus far in

NASCAR RACING this one sticks closer to the real story

and doesen't try to be too PC</div></div>

Let's make this [color:"red"]<span style="font-weight: bold">WENDELL</span> Scott.

The Scott family still live in their compound about a mile from here, and the city of Danville renamed Beavers Mill Road "Wendell Scott Drive" to finally recognise his accomplishments. Several of Wendell's #34 cars are still in the garage area behind the house, and I had the honor and pleasure of talking with him shortly before he died.

Wendell wasn't completely happy with the movie, either.

[Amphicar BUYER]

"Pontiac Moon" with Ted Dansen and Mary Steenburgen. Great potential storyline. A father takes his son on a roadtrip in a 1949 Pontiac Chief. They plan on ending up at a park of somekind with 238k miles on the odomoter at the same time the 1st men land on the moon (238k miles from Earth). Mary chases them across country in an Amphicar! They are not the car that comes to mind for a cross country drive! Then the only time they show it in the water is in the last 15 seconds of the movie! Sheesh...

[Twitch]

I was just telling my wife that it's certain that with all the horsehockey on TV that they'll soon revive <span style="font-style: italic">My Mother The Car</span> but with a little twist. It'll be something hot like a Dodge R/T with a hemi painted black with the ghost of Rick James inhabiting the car to really mess things up!

[Guest AlK]

I can't call this the stupidest car movie made because the driving scenes were so incredible, but I noticed this even when I saw it in the theatres in 1969. In the chase scene between the Charger and the McQueen mustang in Bullit, count how many times Mcqeeun shifts the mustang while supposedly driving at 100+ MPH.

[DizzyDale]

Dear Mike,Its a Mad,Mad,Mad,Mad World....Its the only movie i have on tape.Watch it once a year NEVER get tired of it.Story so-so but that cast....Jonathan Winters in the desert at the gas station and on the bike....It dont get any BETTER....diz

[Mike Dube]

Diz,

I new I missed a "Mad"!! I've only seen it uncut & complete twice, most recently a couple of nights ago on TCM. I have been seeing bits and cut up pieces on late night movies for a long time. I've always been a big Jonathan Winters fan, so I'll guess I'll keep my eye open for a video, maybe they'll dvd it one of these days.

Mike

[Matt Harwood]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I can't call this the stupidest car movie made because the driving scenes were so incredible, but I noticed this even when I saw it in the theatres in 1969. In the chase scene between the Charger and the McQueen mustang in Bullit, count how many times Mcqeeun shifts the mustang while supposedly driving at 100+ MPH. </div></div>

I noticed that, too--he keeps shifting well past 4 gears, sometimes 6 or 7!

Also note how many times the Charger loses, then regains, its right front hubcap. Or how many times that light blue Beetle shows up (along with a Pontiac Firebird and mid-60s Cadillac).

But you have to love that ultra-cool '60s bachelor jazz going in the background during the chase...

/has seen <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">Bullett</span></span> too many times

[Shop Rat]

Correction. The V-8 was first put into the 1963 1/2 Falcon Sprint. I know that because I have one sitting in my garage.

[Shop Rat]

It might have been lame, but it was funny. You had to laugh at the "plucked chicken" paint job and it was the best finish of a race ever, on the top and backward if I remember correctly.

[Twitch]

By today's standards My Mother the Car would be a hit, no doubt!I still think an udated version would work. <span style="font-style: italic">My Brother the Car</span> would feature an 81 El Dorado inhabited by the ghost of Rick James making for some wild adventures.

BTW- the word I used in previous post which was censored was f-u-n-k as in funky, funkadylic etc. Anyone that missed the genre plese note that "funk" music and its derivitives is/was a legitimate expression. It isn't now or never was intended to be a clone-ish word of the bad word. Surf the web with "funk" as a key word and you'll see.

[R W Burgess]

Twitch, most here may not know that. That was the reason it was toned down. Wayne

[Guest bkazmer]

I got to put in a word of support for Twitch - if "most of the group" hasn't heard of funk we have a worse demographic than I thought. As you can see by his post of the no longer so young George Clinton (Parliament), this has been around at least 35 years. Was everybody listening to Debbie Boone?

[R W Burgess]

Support is great! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! <img src="http://www.aaca.org/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Wayne

[Shop Rat]

Which message was that? We have been gone from 12/17 until yesterday so I must have missed it. Funk also refers to being in a sad/down mood or a non-productive phase.

[DizzyDale]

The PROBLEM with the word funk is WAYNE could not find it in his TRUCKERS dictionary of CB lingo.WAYNE its on the page after FRIGERATED trailer and FRIED chicken.diz

[Guest]

Lordy. As old as I am, my recollection of the word FUNK goes back at least 60 years. It is a mood,[a blue funk] a music form, a dance step [the funky chicken] and who knows how many other uses for the word. Probably almost as many as for the other F word.

Now have a funky Christmas, ya heah.

hvs

[Shop Rat]

Speaking of the "Funky Chicken", the college I went to had a mascot that was the W.Va. Tech "Golden Bear". It was supposed to be a secret as to who the mascot was each year. And it was....right up until the mascot got out on the basketball floor and did the "Funky Chicken" at half-time. There was only ONE tall, skinny guy that did that dance. So even with the mascot suit on we all instantly knew who it was.

[rocketraider]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I got to put in a word of support for Twitch - if "most of the group" hasn't heard of funk we have a worse demographic than I thought. As you can see by his post of the no longer so young George Clinton (Parliament), this has been around at least 35 years. Was everybody listening to Debbie Boone? </div></div>

The one I liked was when GC in one of his spacealiciousastracerebralconfunkshunisms asked "Can you imagine Doobie in yo' Funk?" A veiled reference to the Doobie Brothers, whose name in itself was a thinly veiled reference <img src="http://www.aaca.org/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. Maybe we should ask "Can you imagine Debbie in yo' Funk?"

Ain't nuthin' wrong with a little hard-co' Fonk airry now 'n then- I've got a whole box of 70s funk CDs for when the mood strikes. Of course, right now there's a classical station playing in the background. WCPE 89.7 in Raleigh NC, theclassicalstation.org if you're interested. I find that it relaxes me greatly.

[Pontiac59]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">How about "Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World? Its a pretty stupid story really, but is actually entertaining. A Huge cast (including Spencer Tracy, Mickey Rooney, Buddy Hackett and Milton Berle), driving all over Southern California on a fools errand. Shot in 1961 or 62, the newest cars are a '60-61 Imperial ragtop and what I think is a '62 Dodge Lancer sedan. Lots of older trucks and cars. In the opening scene, Jimmy Durante drives off a cliff in a '57 Fairlane. Some of the scenes of what I think is the Malibu area from 40 + years ago are priceless. </div></div>

This was a '63 release filmed in '62 if I remember right.

The cars they start out with include a '62 Plymouth wagon, '62 Imperial convertible, a '58 or '59 Beetle convertible and the Ford COE moving van. I've seen Fords with that same style cab as new as '63 on the registration, so it lasted longer on the big trucks.

The best has to be the car Jack Benny pulls up in to see if Milton Berle and the others with him need any help, a circa '32 Studebaker(?) -

The scenes chasing around as Spencer Tracy tries unsuccessfuly to run off with the money are fun - the same few cars in the background seem to appear in every scene. A second 55/56 Ford ragtop, '57 Ford wagon, and a 54 or 55 Corvette are among them. They manage to wreck more cars in this film - a '62 Dodge 2dr, '61 Impala, Willys Jeepster wagon, '48 Ford convertible, '56 Ford convertible, '62 Dodge sedan, the Plymouth taxicabs, the Imperial convertible, the '57 Ford hardtop, etc. etc.

Probably the worst car movie I can think of is Smokey & The Bandit part 3. It was so bad, Burt Reynolds appearance is only a cameo at the very end. The 'uncut' original release is badly edited just to make a PG rating, with someone voicing over some of Jackie Gleason's nastier comments (apparently was too expensive to bring Gleason back to do it?). The entire point of the movie is a bet between the Enis's and Sherriff Justice to come out of his recent retirement and drive from Florida to Texas with a big fake shark tied to the car advertising Big Enis' Fish & Chips, for $50,000. They play all sorts of dirty tricks, including hiring Cletus Snow to pretend to be the Bandit to try to steal the fish. In the end Cletus feels bad for the Sherriff and lets him win the money, then the Sherriff, thinking back on how awful his retirement was, then gives Cletus a head start and starts chasing him again (when he confronts Cletus, he sees Reynolds as the real Bandit). By the end of the movie his '82 Bonneville is reduced to a frame, engine, some of the cowl with a steering wheel and enough floor to mount a set of seats with bare springs to the top of. I'm not sure where they hid the gas tank. Along the way they end up at a nudist camp, a motel that apparently is also a combination brothel and adult book store, and some other less goofy places. Most of the stunts are predictable. Unless your dream is to see Big & Little Enis in drag, I'd skip this one. The first one is funny, the second one is bad but still manages to be funny (and must tie with The Blues Brothers for the most wrecked police cars in one film), but this one pretty much stinks.

When it comes to technical details in movies, if they can save a few grand substituting something easily found for something more accurate, they'll usually do it on the basis that 90% or more of the people who see the film will not know the difference. Or in some cases they don't care.. for instance Hooper, the movie that Reynolds plays a stuntman in, includes a phony jet motor set into the back of yet another Trans-Am. It amounts to little more than a smoke generator - the stunt where the jet is supposedly used to propel the car over a collapsed bridge, a real jet motor funny car is substituted. Apparently you're not supposed to notice as it flies over that somehow the car is stretched out twice as long as it was before (and after) the jump. Since the funny car is impractical to drive on the street, they use a regular car for those scenes. It's ironic because here this is all supposed to show behind the scenes stuntman stuff and here they're still phonying up the stunts they end up doing.

[Dave@Moon]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">...Falcons were <span style="font-style: italic">way</span> too small to accept a V8 without massive surgery to the (uni-)body.</div></div>

Dave, not so. Ford actually put the 260 V8 into the '64 Falcon Sprint (1960-1964 shared the same basic body.) This engine footprint would accomodate the 260, 289 and 302 (same block) and the later 351 series blocks without modification to the engine compartment, save for moving the battery to the trunk. Even that modification can be avoided by using the '64 1/2 inner fender panel, a bolt-in modification, which allows the battery to be turned 90 degrees for clearance.

The period-correct motor for this modification would have been the Ford 'Y' block (239, 256, 272, 292 & 312) or an early FE block (332, 352, 390, 406, 427) which are also very managable swaps into the first series Falcons.

JMC </div></div>

Actually the serious part of the surgery would be to replace and relocate the front suspension. It was modified every year early on, finally supporting and making room for the V8 in '63 1/2 (and that was a 260).

The 1960 suspension (with which I am very familiar as I rebuilt mine in the early '90's for a restoration) had <span style="font-style: italic">very</span> high canted spring mountings that would seriously interfere with V8 installation for a road car, let alone a dirt tracker. While it would be possible to jerry-rig a suspension to make the installation work (and the later inner fenders fit), it would require massive surgery on a part of the car that dirt track racing would tax more than any other part. This thing wasn't being shown parked at the cruise-in!

(In the movie they almost certainly just painted up the cheapest old little car they could find that looked good. They probably used a compact car only to psychologically emphasize Earnhardt's green talent at the time being portrayed. It's lucky they didn't use a Corvair!)

Nobody would ever bother with such surgery to save the (maybe) 100 lbs saved by using the 1960 body (which is <span style="font-style: italic">hugely</span> and notoriously less aerodynamic than the 1962 and later cars anyway--you'd have to drive one to know how much that can matter at relatively slow speeds) over a later car. Certainly no serious racer would ever consider such a move.

[Guest De Soto Frank]

Dave,

Was it "aerodynamics" or that woefully under-powered 144 cid six that made the '60 & '61 Falcons so slow?

(I'm half-serious here...I had a '62 Falcon "Deluxe" with 170 cid & 3-speed, and at the same time, Mom had a '62 Falcon tudor with the 144 & Ford-O-Matic...while we never "dragged", I drove both cars, and the difference betwen the two was night & day !)

[Dave@Moon]

Frank,

In 1960 the only engine available was the 144, and mine had the 2 speed (2 high and 2 low) Fordomatic. I was in head winds where the car's top speed (normally around 75 mph) was a little under 45! I once drove back and forth accross Illinois on a windy day where I got 32 mpg one direction and 18 mpg the other (and I could still do 65!). Trucks going the other way on 2 lane highways had to be anticipated to avoid a serious deceleration (5+ mph) and to avoid being sucked in behind them. To top it all off, the car had a harmonic vibration at around 58-60 mph (this was during the 55 mph speed limit days) that produced a drumming sound actually louder than the engine & road noise. This in a car you had to yell in to have a converstion!

The grille of a '60 Falcon is a giant air catcher. I used to call it the catcher's mitt. In the winter I needed to block the grille with cardboard to maintain a good engine temperature (and therefore have heat!). If I bent the (heavy) cardboard out to match the hood edge and bumper I gained about 2 mpg while only effecting about 60% of the front end.

By '62 the Falcon's hood met flush with the grille and the bumper was integrated into the front end as well. Owners of those cars have no idea what I'm talking about when I tell them these stories.

[nearchoclatetown]

Dave, I'm disappointed in you. Do a google on Earnhardt+falcon, you will see Dale's early Falcon dirt car, no. 8. I'd bet on it having a V8. Haven't watched the TV movie.

[Guest John Chapman]

You are so right... forgot that '1/2' model year...

The Sprint was great but ulitmately no competition for Mustang in the sales department.

JMC

[Shop Rat]

Technically it is the first muscle car. It was put out because the Mustang was not going to be ready when promised. So they dropped a V-8 engine in the Falcon and chromed a bunch of stuff under the hood. Hopefully within the next year or two ours will be on the showfield. It is a neat car to drive and so much better looking, to us, than the 64 or 65. We like the rounder profile of ours as compared to the wedge look of the 64 or 65.

[DizzyDale]

Dear Shop Rat,"Technically it is the first muscle car".....WHOS first muscle car YOURS?Ford puts a 260 in a Falcon and its SOMEBODYS first what?19631/2 first year for a 427 2 fours and a 4 speed in a full size Ford.How about any CORVETTE after 1955....How about any 55-57 full size Chevrolet with the power pack option.YOUR Falcon is WAY down MY list of FIRST factory muscle cars.How about Hudson Hornets...way before my time but werent they the first winners on the beach at Daytona.diz

[Matt Harwood]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Dear Shop Rat,"Technically it is the first muscle car".....WHOS first muscle car YOURS?Ford puts a 260 in a Falcon and its SOMEBODYS first what?19631/2 first year for a 427 2 fours and a 4 speed in a full size Ford.How about any CORVETTE after 1955....How about any 55-57 full size Chevrolet with the power pack option.YOUR Falcon is WAY down MY list of FIRST factory muscle cars.How about Hudson Hornets...way before my time but werent they the first winners on the beach at Daytona.diz </div></div>

Now I may be a little biased, but what about the 1936 Buick Century (or better yet, the '41 Century with dual carbs and a crude "ram air" system)? Big car engine in mid-sized chassis (Roadmaster engine in a Special). First muscle car? It certainly fits the formula and in their day, the Centurys were pretty much acknowledged as the quickest factory cars widely available.

And not to digress from the topic at hand, what about <span style="font-weight: bold"><span style="font-style: italic">The Fast and the Furious</span></span> as the worst car movie ever? Street races that last 10 minutes, throwing huge hits of nitrous on stock motors, nitrous oxide that burns blue (called NAWSSS in the movie--no self-respecting car guy would ever call it that) and the most glaring error: Vin Diesel's dad died <span style="font-weight: bold">"on the last turn of a Pro-Stock race."</span> <span style="font-style: italic">Um, was that when he was turning onto the return road at the end of the 1/4 mile or...?</span> Pro-Stock is a drag race, Vin, not a road race. You'd think that a studio throwing a lot of money at a car-guy movie would at least check some of the most obvious facts...

[Dave@Moon]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Dave, I'm disappointed in you. Do a google on Earnhardt+falcon, you will see Dale's early Falcon dirt car, no. 8. I'd bet on it having a V8. Haven't watched the TV movie. </div></div>

This is not a '60 Falcon (look closely, and I don't mean at the body):

If this car were in the movie nobody'd have questioned it.

The car in the movie was a box-stock '60 Falcon Tudor painted primer grey (dashboard, bumpers and all), right down to the four bolt 13" wheels. It looked to have been a pretty nice one at that before it was "race preped". I guess it would be too expensive for ESPN to duplicate an accurate car for the movie's star to match all the other (fairly accurate) cars in the race scene. They would've needed Earnhardt's massive cotton mill hourly worker income to do it!

[Guest 1956Packard]

I know I'll take some heat for this but I thought <span style="font-weight: bold">Two Lane Blacktop</span> was pretty silly.

[Twitch]

Ah that great 260 engine. The first road teast anywhere of the Cobra was the one with the mighty 260 in it. 0-50 4.2 seconds and top speed 152. Pretty good for a Falcon engine!

[Al Smeraldo]

Talking about the studios doing things on the cheap I think the Valachi Papers was probably the worst movie for car gaffes I ever saw. In one scene set in the 1930s a Pierce Arrow pulls up to a traffic light next to a thinly veiled 66 Comet. Another scene captioned for 1956 there are several 1957 Fords. In another scene 2 hoods are trying to open the trunk of a 57 Retractable Ford from the rear.