Hemi Joel Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 Greetings fellow old car nuts. I have been asked to MC a stop on an old car tour, and announce the cars as they arrive. There will be some dead time between cars that I would like to fill, and perhaps add some to levity to the introductions. This tour is for brass era cars only, but I can adapt newer material as needed. So I need a bunch of jokes that I can adapt to the situation. I'll take everything I can get, from the clever to the absurd into my repertoire, as long as it is clean. So let's hear them folks! Thanks, Joel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne sheldon Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 First, if you haven't already, check out the "Humor and interest" threads farther down the sub-heading lists. Or, hopefully, this link will work, https://forums.aaca.org/forum/194-automobile-humor-and-interest/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemi Joel Posted August 10, 2021 Author Share Posted August 10, 2021 Wayne, I had not seen that before. It looks like it will be great resource. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zipdang Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 I heard that 95% of every (insert car make here) ever manufactured is still on the road. The other 5% made it home. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Wetherbee Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 I don’t know if anyone has scanned and made available any of the early Ford joke books, but many were made… Did you know that next year all the Ford cars are to be red? Yes, it’s because of the new law that states “any tin can holding gasoline is to be painted red” A Ford is like a bathtub, everyone has one but you don’t like being caught in it… Literally hundreds like these all of which are dated and many off color by today’s standards. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarNucopia Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 For someone on the tour whose car is not reliable: Bob's car came with a tow package....on the front. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trimacar Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 Back in the day, two lawyers were in court with a particularly nasty case. After it was over, one lawyer turned to the other and said “How dare you act like that in court. Where’s your ethics?” ”Parked out by your Hudthon” the other lawyer replied…… 3 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkhammer Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 I heard the new (insert manufacturer here) cars are so unreliable that the last six pages of the owners manual are bus tickets! I heard that if you buy a new (insert manufacturer here), they give you a free puppy. That way you won't be lonely when walking home! I heard that the best accessory to buy with a (insert manufacturer here) is a sturdy pair of walking shoes! When you pull into a filling station with a (insert manufacturer here) you typically ask the attendant to check the gas and fill the oil! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 I can't read these jokes without picturing Dangerfield twisting his neck and tugging on his collar. 😄 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeC5 Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 Ha ha! I like the ethics joke! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHuDWah Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 That (fill in the make) has a magnetic rear axle...to pick up the parts that fall off. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lump Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 My late grandmother told me one when I was a kid...over 50 years ago: A guy walks into an auto repair shop, and asks for employment. The wise old wrench-turner who owned the shop grinned and said, "Well, I could use a really EXPERIENCED car man, but I don't need no rookies. I've got a test to give you to see if you're what I need." The applicant agreed, and to his surprise, the boss tied a blindfold over his head. Then hollered to a helper, "Hey Joe. Start up that red sedan over there." He did, and then the boss said, "Ok, son. Now from the sound alone, what kind of car was that?" The blindfolded guy immediately said, "Chrysler product!" The boss was impressed, but pointed silently at a grey pickup truck around the corner and out of sight. When it started, the young guy said, "International truck!" Now the boss was getting really impressed. Just then someone happened to flush a nearby toilet. The kid shouted, "FORD!" He was hired on the spot! Grandma said she heard that decades before, so this must have been another one of those jokes poking fun at the ubiquitous Model T. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bollman Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 Speed Kills, Live For Ever, Drive a (fill in the make) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter J.Heizmann Posted August 10, 2021 Share Posted August 10, 2021 (edited) I was told that legendary car designer Harley Earl designed the hairdo of our past Prez. Thought about it and there just may be credence to this claim. I do not know if Harley had a hand in the design of the 1959 Chevrolet Impala however, there sure is a resemblance if you look at the car from a 3/4 angle view from the back. Edited August 10, 2021 by Peter J.Heizmann (see edit history) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John_S_in_Penna Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 13 hours ago, lump said: "Ok, son. Now from the sound alone, what kind of car was that?" That joke must date from the 1910's, though your version has been modified after many retellings. Here is an original version from the book Funabout Fords or More Funabout Fords, by J. J. White, published at the height of the Model T's popularity in 1915 by the Howell Company, Chicago. The books are in the AACA Library, and I reprinted the joke when preparing a newsletter for the 2007 Glidden Tour: In a large garage a man wagered with the owner that he could name any machine merely by the sound of the engine. An attendant was instructed to crank the different machines, the boastful one was blindfolded, and the test began. "Overland," he called for the first one. "Correct," said the owner; "try the next one." "Studebaker." "Right-o! Crank another." Just then a load of coal was shot into the alley from a wagon. "Ford," said the guesser. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter J.Heizmann Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 A exhausted guy is riding his bike in the blazing of a desert. A gent driving a Jaguar pulls over. Feeling sorry for the bike rider he says “I don’t have enough room for the bike but I could tow you to the next town. Just honk your bike horn if I am going to fast”. They leave and after a bit a Corvette pulls along side and they start racing. They are flying down the highway and pass a cop using radar who calls ahead to the chase car “Charlie, you are not going to believe this but in a minute a Corvette and a Jag will come by over 100 mph with a guy on a bike honking to pass”. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Schramm Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Peter J.Heizmann said: A exhausted guy is riding his bike in the blazing of a desert. A gent driving a Jaguar pulls over. Feeling sorry for the bike rider he says “I don’t have enough room for the bike but I could tow you to the next town. Just honk your bike horn if I am going to fast”. They leave and after a bit a Corvette pulls along side and they start racing. They are flying down the highway and pass a cop using radar who calls ahead to the chase car “Charlie, you are not going to believe this but in a minute a Corvette and a Jag will come by over 100 mph with a guy on a bike honking to pass”. An oldie but goodie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PlymouthPE Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 Son: “mom what happens to old cars when their no good anymore?” Mom: “your dad usually buys them!!!” 2 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david schab Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 21 hours ago, Jim Bollman said: Speed Kills, Live For Ever, Drive a (fill in the make) 1961 bug eye sprite Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty Roth Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 5 hours ago, Peter J.Heizmann said: A exhausted guy is riding his bike in the blazing of a desert. A gent driving a Jaguar pulls over. Feeling sorry for the bike rider he says “I don’t have enough room for the bike but I could tow you to the next town. Just honk your bike horn if I am going to fast”. They leave and after a bit a Corvette pulls along side and they start racing. They are flying down the highway and pass a cop using radar who calls ahead to the chase car “Charlie, you are not going to believe this but in a minute a Corvette and a Jag will come by over 100 mph with a guy on a bike honking to pass”. Oldie but goodie, Previously told on tour with a Cadillac towing a Model-A, thanx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Bonesteel Posted August 14, 2021 Share Posted August 14, 2021 From 'Punch Drunks', 3 Stooges short film, one of my favorites because it features a 34 Plymouth convertible coupe, which has been driven off the road by a damsel in distress: She: I'm in a terrible dilemma! Mo: Yeah, I don't like these foreign cars either!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dictator27 Posted August 14, 2021 Share Posted August 14, 2021 The man who owns a flivver may not have a quarrelsome disposition - but he is always trying to start something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHMJR Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 On 8/10/2021 at 6:12 AM, Mark Wetherbee said: A Ford is like a bathtub, everyone has one but you don’t like being caught in it… By your wife with your insignificant other! 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemi Joel Posted August 15, 2021 Author Share Posted August 15, 2021 (edited) The event was today, it went wonderfully. I used a lot of your jokes, and modified them to fit as needed. Thanks very much for all of your help! I drove my Maytag to the event and wore my old timey looking suit. It was a lot of fun. The event is the New London to New Brighton old car run, which is a tribute to the London to Brighton run except it is here in Minnesota. Edited August 15, 2021 by Hemi Joel (see edit history) 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne sheldon Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 Fantastic! And a Maytag! Do not see many of those! I think I saw one once, a very long time ago. I didn't at that time appreciate how rare they are. I know several people through the internet and club forums that do the NLNB Run. I am waiting (more or less patiently?) to see some tour reports and photos. However, can you tell me how many model K Fords made it this year? And who won the marque participation (unofficial award I think?) this year? Maxwell or Ford? I know people on both sides of that one. Did you drive the Maytag ON the Run? Or was the Maytag repairman left officiating? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemi Joel Posted August 15, 2021 Author Share Posted August 15, 2021 (edited) Wayne, I did not drive my Maytag on the tour, I just drove it from my home to the lunch stop at Buffalo. The Wright county car club, of which I am a member, hosts the Buffalo stop. Since we were located at the lunch stop in Buffalo, I do not know what the final results are. I'm sure those would have been reported at the end of the run in New Brighton. There was two model k Fords, three model s's, and if I recall correctly a 1903 and a 1904. I think there were eight Fords in total. There were 12 Maxwell's entered, I'm not sure how many made it to Buffalo but perhaps all of them. Edited August 15, 2021 by Hemi Joel (see edit history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mobileparts Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 I have supplied a few car jokes in the automotive humor category through the years, so definitely look there..... I haven't added much recently because I got attacked by a pack of mimes, and they did some unspeakable things to me.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mobileparts Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 Why is a Buick Electra the mascot for a pirate ship ??? It only has one (1) eye (i)..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne sheldon Posted August 15, 2021 Share Posted August 15, 2021 Joel, I know one model K that was headed up there, no reason to believe he wouldn't have made it. Another one of the model Ks moved up to Canada a few years back, and he probably couldn't attend due to continuing border restrictions. There are four model Ks in tourable condition on this continent (and about twenty that are not together or sorted out for driving!). So I will have to see pictures or reports to find out which one made it? A couple years ago, all four running and drivable model Ks made it to the OCF! Thank you for the updates! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
60FlatTop Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 No license plate and it says May tag? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemi Joel Posted August 18, 2021 Author Share Posted August 18, 2021 On 8/16/2021 at 10:41 AM, 60FlatTop said: No license plate and it says May tag? FlatTop, are you asking where to put the clothes in? 😉 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Str8-8-Dave Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 Do you know why Brits drink warm beer? Because Lucas makes the refrigerators... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buick35 Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 A true story you might use. Awhile back a car dealer commercial aired advertising the new Nissan 280Z.My wife looked at me and asked I wonder why the call it a 28 ounce? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buick35 Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 My dad told me once his car was so fast that he couldn't drive it all day because it always got to where it was going before night time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
60FlatTop Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 11 hours ago, Hemi Joel said: FlatTop, are you asking where to put the clothes in? 😉 Ummm. In many states a license plate is referred to as a tag. In the picture your car shows no front license plate or "tag". It may not be licensed. If, in the future, you plan to license it one might say that you "May tag" it. Playing in Minnesota, huh. You know, a lot of those Danes and Swedes passed through my town on the Erie Canal heading out that way. Including my wife's family who got off the boat near here. So you're gonna tell 'en jokes. Got a big smile outta me. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flivverking Posted August 18, 2021 Share Posted August 18, 2021 (edited) Well there is the classic model T joke of a man who was completely feed up with his Model T and posted an ad in the local paper that he was going to give it away and posted the date,time and intersection were it will be left to the first person to get there. . The day came and when he went to drop off his flivver at the designated spot ,there were 6 cars already there! Edited August 18, 2021 by Flivverking (see edit history) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
60FlatTop Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 At Thanksgiving dinner on a farm in Minnesota an old man told a story about a perfect Model T another old man had stored away in his barn. A man from the Ford company was sent to his house and offered him a brand new Ford in exchange for his well cared for treasure. He turned the offer down flat. At Christmas dinner on a farm in Minnesota..... At Thanksgiving dinner on a farm in Iowa....... At Christmas dinner..... At Thanksgiv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFranklin Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 Was that a joke? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
60FlatTop Posted August 20, 2021 Share Posted August 20, 2021 Not if you believed them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Dobbin Posted August 31, 2021 Share Posted August 31, 2021 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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