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Honey, how come Junior never comes to visit us?


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I have this recurring nightmare that I'm going back to my 50 year high school grad reunion.   I leave home in my '65 Corvette.  Life has been good.  I'm feeling fine and I'm walkin' tall.   This is going to be a great event! 

 But, as I start my trip, for some reason I have to take detour after detour and this drive starts taking forever.  Suddenly it's late at night and the car starts running a little rough,  I get lost in a very seedy, hilly neighborhood with winding roads as my clutch starts to slip and burn so I can't exceed 30 mph and the brake pedal is fading to the floor.  Then the headlights start flickering on and off but I can still see fairly well because the lightning from the thunderstorm is flashing pretty steadily by now and I'm getting very wet because the driver's window won't roll up.  I know the car is overheating but the lenses are so dirty I can't read the gauges on the dash, except for the gas gauge which is below E.  I feel my sphincter involuntarily tighten.  The seat upholstery is ripped and missing in big patches and the seat springs are digging into my backside and tearing holes in my shirt on every bump as all 4 shocks seem to have failed at once.  Only one windshield wiper works and of course it's the passenger side.  Oddly enough the dome light works.  In fact I can't get it to turn off.  It stays on constantly making it more and more difficult to see out into the dark through the filthy windows which are starting to fog up and the only thing I have to wipe them with is a piece of college rule notebook paper til they become so smudged that I have to start driving with my head out the window, craning my neck like a deranged Labrador.  The wind and rain suddenly increase and my eyeglasses are blown off into the maelstrom.  I'm beginning to think this trip may not be going as well as I'd hoped.  But, come Hell or high water, I'm going to make it to that reunion.   It's then I realize, with dread, that I'm no longer driving my own car, I'm driving this car!  A big rusty, rattling, smoking 70's  Ford sedan.  The only thing missing is the vanity plate that says PLZKLLME.  And that's just about the time I finally pull up in front of my old school and find that the reunion has just ended.  I missed it and the entire class is standing out front laughing and jeering as I rattle up in this wreck.  The driver's door won't open so I have to climb over the seat and exit one of the rear doors, humiliated, torn and dirty.  Then, just when I feel it couldn't possibly get worse I (squintingly) find that I'm suddenly standing face to face with that super hot blonde I had a big crush on in high school.  She just looks at me with a combination of pity and disgust, turns and walks away without a word.

Oh, and the final degradation, for some unfathomable reason .....I'm not wearing any pants.

 

 

1973 Ford Galaxie 500, Runs Great! - $5,500 (San Diego)

 

junk1.jpg.11d046dea48a20b242e9e5a0d88f47e7.jpgjunk2.jpg.4b73e10e1759d7819e8f51ed7cc9e32d.jpgjunk3.jpg.ac7366618efa136ac92ecd4daa70d3c5.jpgjunk4.jpg.9021f3b04b91ccb6d0bc28057a1c5943.jpgjunk5.jpg.4ae53dfc1d46419b84ac2d607970e220.jpg

 

https://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/cto/d/san-diego-1973-ford-galaxie-500-runs/7333135818.html

Runs great. Was going to be son's first car, but wasn't comfortable driving a big old cruiser. Just spent $3k on new brakes and suspension. Redid the exhaust, all new tires, replaced the blinker switch so all lights are working. 65k miles. The interior needs to be totally redone and the exterior needs work as well although appears to be largely surface rust. Windshield is cracked, front passenger door sticks. Registered Here is a link to additional photos: https://offerup.com/redirect/?o=aHR0cHM6Ly9waG90b3MuYXBwLmdvby5nbC9HTlRSU2FWTUJDTW1WOW5tOA==

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Did the world just run out of Toyota Corollas?

Why not buy the kid a t-shirt that says "Kick Me" while you're at it?

Concours de Lemons candidate, big time.

 

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Posted (edited)

I’m sure the paint will rub out and the lack of headliner means it won’t fall down into your face while you’re driving with the windows that won’t close!  So are you going to buy it Greg?

Edited by TerryB (see edit history)
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2 minutes ago, Matt Harwood said:

Take comfort in knowing that the hot blonde in high school is now 68 years old.

My 50th was last year but didn’t happen.  I think that was a good thing for my memory of certain people as you mentioned Matt. Better to think they are preserved in time! 

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Just now, TerryB said:

My 50th was last year but didn’t happen.  I think that was a good thing for my memory of certain people as you mentioned Matt. Better to think they are preserved in time! 

 

Oh, I don't know about that. I took some pleasure in going to my 25th and seeing who had lost their hair and/or looks.

 

On the flip-side, the event was located such that nobody could see what I was driving, so bringing something cool would have been a waste of time.

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Reminds me of an old HS pal's real dream.  He replaced his beautiful '70 Chevelle SS 396 (every HS had a "best car ever" - for us this was it) with a 79 Z-28, but was a little dissapointed with performance.  "I had a dream last night that I was running at a track meet and beat my Z..."

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2 hours ago, Matt Harwood said:

 

Oh, I don't know about that. I took some pleasure in going to my 25th and seeing who had lost their hair and/or looks.

 

On the flip-side, the event was located such that nobody could see what I was driving, so bringing something cool would have been a waste of time.

The replacement parts we now sit around and talk about are for us, not for cars.  That’s the scary part!  Almost all the over 60 group in my neighborhood have received NORS joints of some kind.  If Moog wants extra business they can start making high performance knee and hip joints and give us a neat decal to put on our arm.

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50 minutes ago, TerryB said:

The replacement parts we now sit around and talk about are for us, not for cars.  That’s the scary part!  Almost all the over 60 group in my neighborhood have received NORS joints of some kind.  If Moog wants extra business they can start making high performance knee and hip joints and give us a neat decal to put on our arm.

I am to the point where it would be more cost effective to jack up my hair(if I had any) and slide a new body under it.

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Posted (edited)

"Was going to be son's first car, but [he] wasn't

comfortable driving a big old cruiser," the seller says.

 

Well, maybe he wasn't comfortable driving

girlfriends around in a torn and rusty hulk!

A perfect example of how to embarrass your children!

 

Edited by John_S_in_Penna (see edit history)
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The hot blond that I was looking forward to at my 50th with thoughts that she may be as nasty as I recall didn't remember me.

Geez, lived within a 5 minute walk from her for 20 years.

We used to meet half way in the dark of the woods.

 

Her husband kind of took me aside and told me that she doesn't remember him on occasion.

But she still looked pretty good.

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14 hours ago, GregLaR said:

1973 Ford Galaxie 500, Runs Great! - $5,500 (San Diego)

 

I think, with some judicious searching, one could

find a Ford Galaxie or LTD sedan in VERY NICE

condition for $5500.  At least then his son might not

be ashamed to be seen in it, and find pride and

enjoyment with an old car.

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Agreed John.  This one seems to be over priced by about $5,400 and it's only possible future is in a demolition derby.

I have to believe this listing is a joke.   Good Heavens, could ANY father really be this out of touch with his own son! :lol:

 

father.png.9b60f8284987e7ad9a7ddd8857cefaa8.png

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Posted (edited)

I usually don't have the desire to mount machine guns and a tank turret on old cars, but in this case....

 

Great story, Greg! You're an excellent humorist...kind of a dysfunctional Garrison Keillor. 😄

Edited by JamesR (see edit history)
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Thank you for the kind compliments, fellas but to be named in the lofty company of Garrison Keillor....please! :lol:

He is an accomplished author/humorist, where I am just a hack who drinks far too much coffee, suffers from insomnia and an over active pituitary, which drives me to haunt online forums til the wee hours.

 

snoopy.jpg.8c6d87c4059d13f618e47e11db0e252f.jpg

 

 

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Greg, I loved your dream.  My reoccurring dream is that I am at an evert and after is is over I can't ever find my car and wonder around aimlessly.  Do we both need to see a psychiatrist?  

On 6/8/2021 at 12:38 AM, GregLaR said:

I have this recurring nightmare

 

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15 hours ago, Robert G. Smits said:

My reoccurring dream is that I am at an evert and after is is over I can't ever find my car and wonder around aimlessly. 

 

 

 

That's no dream for me...that's my recurring reality! 😄

Edited by JamesR (see edit history)
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