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So a recently retired man was driving his new Corvette and decided to wind it up. State police pull out and follow him quite a way well over the speed limit but he finally pulled over.

 

"Sir, you were at least 25 over the speed limit. I should cite you, but it's late, and if you can give me 1 good reason why you didn't pull over right away I might let you off."

"Well many years ago my ex ran off with a state trooper. I thought it was you and you wanted to give her back."

"Have nice evening sir, but slow down..."

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Elderly driver gets pulled over and the officer asks: sir did you drink? 

Driver: yes I did drink.....a lot. But not alcohol I think.

Officer: let me do a sobriety test. You see those 2 lights coming at us? What's that?

Driver: that's easy, it's a car

Officer: that's half right.

Driver: half right?

Officer: yes it could be a Mercedes, BMW or a Ford. Let's do another test; what's that 1 light coming at us?

Driver:that's easy, it's a motorcycle 

Officer: that's half right, it could be a Harley a honda or a Kawasaki. 

Driver: can I ask you a question?

There comes a blond down the street, high heels, low cut top, mini skirt (that's a little too short), bright lipstick. What is she?

Officer:  that's easy, shes a prostitute. 

Driver: that's half right. 

Officer: half right?

Driver: yes, it could be your mom, your wife or your daughter

...

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  • 4 weeks later...

A cop pulled over a woman for speeding. She seemed a little distracted so the cop asked if she'd been drinking. "Oh, yes, I drank a whole fifth of whiskey about a half hour ago, and took a few of the pills I have in the baggie in the glove box." At this point the officer decided he needed to search her car. "Other than the pills in the glove box, is there anything else I should know about?" said the cop. "Well," she said, "there's a loaded .45 under the seat and my husband's dead body is in the trunk." The officer was pretty nervous now and decided to call his supervisor for assistance. When he shows up the officer explains why he called the supervisor out. The supervisor then walks up to the woman and says, "My officer says you drank a fifth of whiskey, have a baggie of pills in the glove box, a loaded gun under the seat, and a dead body in the trunk. Is this true?" "Oh, sure," she says, " and I suppose he also told you I was speeding."

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