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That old Christmas Eve Classic!


Dandy Dave

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<span style="color: #006600">The Night Santa Borrowed my Buick!

Twas a stormy Christmas eve and all though the land, nothing was stirring but an old beer can.

It must have been tossed out the window by a red neck passer by. Man, Lucky for him it didn’t hit my Buick, or I would have had to make him Cry!

Half asleep was I, when all of a sudden, up on my roof top there was clank, a clunk, and a clatter, Then against my chimney, I swear, I heard a big splatter!

I heard someone yelling, “What happen now.” Looks like someone switched my reindeer with a cow!

It was muffed, so I couldn’t be sure. But I think he cussed, a few swear words.

Heavy footsteps I heard upon the roof, and the thought ran though my mind, This guy must be a goof.

With a mighty leap he sprang, and down my chimney he came.

I had hoped he wouldn’t get stuck in my flue. Being so fat, I’m sure he would of stuck like glue.

I stood there and saw him all covered in soot, good thing the fire wasn’t lit or he could of burned his foot.

He stood there and looked at me with a grin while licking the soot off of the beard on his chin.

Mmmmmm, He replied, maple and oak is what you last burned. For all I’ve done for you, Now I need a turn.

Old buddy, old pal, old friend of mine it seems I have a problem. I think it started down the street with someone who was unkind.

Must have been in something in the brownies that them hippies left. Or it could have been the milk that was spiced with rum. Whatever it was, it made me rather Tipsy, and left my mind feeling real numb.

I don’t have much time so I’ll get right to it. I’m going to need the keys for your old Buick. Not just any car will do it. I need one that will take us, straight eight on through it.

I thought for a moment, and then exclaimed, What if you scuff up my paint and chrome? And Those tinkering little elves you picked up in Gnome. They’ll screw with my tune up with they’re little short thumbs, and get my upholstery full of cookie crumbs.

And you’ll surely break my springs with your mighty load, as you take her on down the road.

And Jolly Red said with a laugh, “Not to worry, We’ll treat her first class“. Do not despair It won’t be so tragic. I’ll just sprinkle her with a little Christmas magic!

OK said I, But I’m coming along. And tell the elves to keep it down. I’m tired of hearing that Jingle Bell song!

Quick as a flash, the shed door flew open. Santa looked to see how I was coping. There the Buick sat, glistening and gleaming just like she was all dressed up for a Christmas greeting.

Packed full of presents and all, with a motor so strong it just wouldn’t stall, we piled in and to my surprise, that magic dust just made her fly.

Around the world we made it in one night. The old Buick was safely home by early morning light.

Just like Saint Nick promised, Not a nick or dent or scratch was upon it. I think it was the elves that put me to sleep, They really do give me the creeps.

The next day when I looked under the tree, There was a bottle of Jack and a card left for me. Thanks for everything is what it said. I could not have done it without your beautiful old sled.

PS. We cleaned up the mess on the roof . Sorry about the goof! I really didn’t think the cow would of pooped. MERRY CHRISTMAS y’all, Your old pal, Santa Claus!</span>

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