Funny car stories

[Buick35]

A couple of these stories are true, but I'm not sure about the others. While watching the opening commercials at a movie theater a number of years ago they were advertising a Nissan 350z. My wife looked at me and said" what do they mean by 35 ounce?" There was a radio talk show recording of a woman complaining about the deer crossing signs being placed on rural roads and suggested installing them closer to the city crosswalks to cut down on the road kill casualties. After car manufactures moved the headlight dimmer switch from the floor to the steering column there were a number of cases of women getting their foot stuck in the steering wheel. Last week while out in my garage my next door elderly lady came over and said all four of her turn signals were flashing and she didn't know why and was afraid it would drain her battery. She somehow pushed the emergency flashers on. I'll admitted it took me awhile to find the switch. I'm sure there's a lot of other humorous car stories out there. Women,gotta love em!

[Mark Gregory]

I was working on my 1931 Reo Royale Victoria in my garage with the garage door open . A little girl walked by and said  " that I should go to the new car store and by a new car ".  It was one of those old car days and I said that was very good idea . Her father was not that friendly and just walked by with no comment . I will never forget that little girl's comments .

[tripwire]

Many years ago I worked in the service department of our local Buick dealer. One day a fellow came in for service with his brand new Park Avenue and while we were talking he told me he installed a 12v powered picnic cooler in his trunk. He was quite proud of his installation including running a wire from the fuse box to the trunk. I asked him how long it took and he said, "all day." Why so long?  Well, the last six hours I was locked in the trunk because the lid came down while I was in the trunk pulling the wire into the trunk.  He told me he had to wait for his wife to come home and let him out.  At that point I held up his key ring which had his remote keyless entry fob on it and asked him if he'd had his keys with him?  Very sheepishly he replied, "yes, I had it in my pocket. I just never thought of it."

[Buick35]

My dad was a service manager for a Pontiac garage near Chicago in the fifties and he told me a man came in telling him that his car done been ribbrubbed! I never heard of that phrase before which meant being scraped down the side.He also said a woman came in and said her whistle don't blow! Horn? Some acronyms I learned, L.T.D.: long tailed dog. Electrack deuce and a quarter: Electra 225.

[Lahti35]

When I was in my very early teens my grandfather decided to sell a 1924 REO speedwagon at a local car swap meet. The truck hadn't run since the 60's so he hooked up the lawn tractor with a chain to pull it out of the barn after it was uncovered, around the farm and into the front yard where the trailer was waiting.

 

My dad was behind the wheel steering while I was on the passenger side smiling ear to ear going for a ride in the old REO. Near the end of the journey we were passing under a large cottonwood tree with one low hanging branch. Concerned that the branch would hit the high cab of the REO I jumped over to the drivers side like lightening and stomped on the brake. Those big rear drums locked up pronto and jerked grandpa right out of the tractor seat as the REO dug her tires in and the chain went tight.

 

I'll never forget grandpa getting situated back into the seat and turning around giving us one of those "what the heck is going on back there" looks. It will always be remembered as the day I saved the REO... we miss you grandpa.  

[mtnchev]

I never heard of a woman who tried to use the dimmer switch on the column with her foot, but I had a somewhat similar thing happen.  I was the service manager at a Pontiac dealership during the late 70s - early 80s, in  which time a lot of car makers switched to the column mounted dimmer switch.  One day a young lady brought her new Pontiac in with an unusal complaint.  She said that the car had been sold to her without a bright button.  I asked what a bright button was, and she said the lights got brighter when the bright button was pushed.  I realized she was referring to a dimmer switch and told her the car did have one.  Her reply was that she was positive the car didn't have one because her boyfriend also couldn't find it.  I moved her car to where it faced a white wall and showed her the dimmer switch function.  Her parting comment was that she couldn't wait to show her boyfriend that he wasn't so smart afer all!

Larry

[ragtop4two]

I had an east indian man working for me a few years ago. He kept going to the door every few minutes looking out then returning to work. I asked him why he kept doing that and he told me his blower kept coming on. I asked if his car was shut off, and he said it was. I asked him then how can your blower keep coming on? He said he didn't know how but it was. I didn't believe him of course so I told him when your blower comes on call me and let me see what you mean. A few minutes later he called me and it was his horn going off! It was cold that day and for some reason it went off by itself in the cold. So I unplugged his horn and told him from now on it's called a horn, not a blower!

[Harold]

I was the assistant service manager at a Lincoln-Mercury  dealership in the late 1980's.    One of our customers was an elderly woman who came in one day complaining that the horn blew when she was making turns.  It turns out that she injured herself and had a cast on her wrist that would catch the horn button whenever she made a turn.

[SC38dls]

My mom had a 58 or 59 metropolitan convertible. She pulled in a gas station and  asked the attendant (yes young people they use to have people that filled your tank for you) to check the oil and be sure the battery was full of water. The kid had never seen a metro before and after about 5 minutes cane to the window and asked mom where the battery was? Her reply “well if it isn’t under the hood I guess I don’t have one”.  Dad finally had to tell her it was under the back seat (if you could call that shelf a seat). Have fun. 

Dave S 

Edited March 25, 2018 by SC38DLS (see edit history)

[mtnchev]

Another situation I  remember at the Pontiac dealership was when an older gentlman brought his new car in, complaining that the car was making a peculiar noise.  He said that he had brought the car in three times before and we were unable to find the problem.  I asked him to describe the noise and he said that it would only make the noise when parked on a slope with the engine running.  We took his car and drove to the back of the lot to where the pavement sloped up to a storage shed.  He parked the car on the slope and said "hear that"? I couldn't hear anything unusual in the sound of the car, so I asked what kind of noise was the car making.  He replied that it was a high pitched whining noise.  I listened for several minutes and still could not hear anything unusual and the man kept insisting the noise was there.  I then asked if he could hear the noise at that exact time.  He replied that no, he couldn't as he was hard of hearing, but his wife (who was at home) could hear it well.  I then asked if his wife wore a hearing aid and he said that mostly she didn't as she couldn't stand the whistling noise the hearing aid made.

Larry

[ragtop4two]

There was this story of a guy around here who took his car to the shop because he kept hearing music when he turned a corner. They found one of those musical birthday cards that one of his kids put down the side window. Every time he turned a corner the card would open and play music.

[cheezestaak2000]

ok here's the perfect storm. me with a suspended licence, a 64 corvette, and a lovely young wife. aga inst my better judgement, we decieded to take a sunday drive as we got on the ramp to I95, i noticed we were going like a bat outta hell. i said slow down, you're doing over 70 on a sharp curve! she replied " i'm only doing 30" as she pointed at the tach.

 

[J.H.Boland]

I had an East Indian gent come into the parts dept.asking for a hub cap for a Pontiac Goolie.I advised him there was no such thing.He took me out to his Goolie,a Pontiac 6000LE. I said "let me guess.Your brother drives a Pontiac Goose".He said "how did you know?". (Pontiac 6000SE).

[oldcarfudd]

A few years ago, when Donald Trump was just a rich guy with some real estate, the Trump Foundation had a car show at the Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster, NJ.  I drove over in my 1912 Buick.  An Indian fellow with a Bentley walked over and started asking the usual questions.  One question was where did I get tires?  I  replied:  "We get them from you guys."  "What do you mean?"  "A compan bought up all the molds for old tire sizes.  Now the small tires are made in Vietnam, and the bigger ones in India."  I knelt down on the grass and searched the sidewall of my 33x4 tire until I found the little legend:  "Made in India."  Well, gang, I've had people take pictures of every part of my car, many times.  But this is the only time a fellow in a suit and tie squatted with his cell phone to take a picture of a 3-inch-wide piece of my sidewall.

 

Separate story:  A friend demonstrated crank-starting a Model T.  A lady asked him how far it could go.  He said a full tank was good for about 180 miles.  She said:  "I mean, how far until you have to wind it again?"

[Chris Coon]

I worked at an Oldsmobile dealership in the 80's, in upstate NY.  Those "Dear Alert" whistles  were pretty popular and we sold lots of them.  A lady came into the shop complaining, saying she was sure we had put them on backwards.  She had seen several deer along the road the night before and "obviously those whistles were not scaring the deer away, but rather they were calling them in"

[Buick35]

I was driving a tow truck in the mid 70's when I was sent to pick up a green Ford station wagon at a supermarket parking lot, the man said the keys would be in the ignition.When I got there I hooked up to a green Ford wagon with the keys in it but it was the wrong car! Luckily he got the name of the shop off of the truck. Boy was he mad.The next week a woman came back in with her Dodge Aspen,when I asked her "how's your ol Aspen?" She wasn't amused.

[imnuts4fords@comcast.net]

Teaching a girl friend to drive a stick shift, I asked her if she knew how to "double clutch"?  She said "You can't fool me, one of those pedals down there is the brake!"

Woman goes into the dealer and says her mechanic told her to get a 710 cap as hers was missing.  Puzzled, the parts man looked up her vehicle and could not find any reference to a 710 cap and she had no idea what it went to other than it was under the hood.  She showed him the note her mechanic had written and it showed 710, but if you turned it around it was the "OIL".

[playswithbrass]

In the late 70's I was the mechanic in a 3 bay shop in a small town. One day in the middle of a carb rebuild a elderly lady came into the shop and asked if I could repair her tire. No problem just drive it into the center bay. I returned to the carb rebuild and kept listening for a car to pull in. My back being to the bay's what seemed like quite a time with no sound of a car pulling in I finally looked around to find the lady and her shopping cart in the middle of the hoist waiting patiently for me to fix a tire. Cotter pin that went through the axle was missing and the wheel had come  off. It was common for kids to bring a bike in with a flat tire and say Dad says he will be in after work to settle up. Lastly a young couple were trying to get a start farming they had bought some gravity boxes cheap that had the axles off a Conestoga wagon .somebody had removed the wood/steel felo and cut down the spokes and installed Lancaster bomber rims and tires ( this is what I was told) however young farmer did not own a tire pressure gauge and only found out he had a flat tire  when he loaded the wagon .  Now it needed to be repaired yesterday. it would take two people to lift the wheel on to the very antique tire machine to hold the assembly before the fight would begin.it would take at least a hour to repair a tube in one of those monsters.

[retiredmechanic74]

Back when I was about 19 I worked at a shop in Warren Michigan and was often sent out on wrecker calls. One early evening in October a call came in from a lady saying she needed her car towed in because it wouldn't run. She told me the name of her street and said because it was getting dark that she would leave her porch light on because it would be to hard to see the address. I said that would be fine and I got the truck ready to go and went to her street. As I turned down her street I noticed almost every house had the porch light on???.......That's when I realized ......It was Halloween night.  

[zipdang]

While pumping gas during my high school years, a gentleman from England who was teaching at the local college left his car for a small repair. When he returned, he paid his bill, went into the garage and promptly got in on the passenger side and held his hands up in front of the glove box. As we all smiled, he got out, said "Ah, the pleasures of motoring!", walked around and got in and drove away. A class act for sure.

[nick8086]

I get this a lot with the Kaiser car.. 

How to  do I get out?

 

Look at the picture.. No handle..

 

Edited March 27, 2018 by nick8086 (see edit history)

[Larry Schramm]

9 hours ago, nick8086 said:

I get this a lot with the Kaiser car.. 

How to  do I get out?

 

Look at the picture.. No handle..

 

 

Early kid proof doors.

[Restorer32]

MY ex father-in-law swore by a brand of motor oil called "Superb". It was printed on the can as SuperB. He insisted on calling it "Super B".  Re an earlier post: I am an elected Councilman in a small town. We actually had a lady ask us to please move the Deer Crossing sign North of town because it was not a safe place for deer to cross. Years ago Mom called my brother and told him I had bought a Ferrari.  Excitedly bro called me.  Boy was he disappointed to learn I had actually bought a Volare. Mom also insisted on calling Bro's car a Datsun 24 oz. 

[Big Beat]

My stepfather was a bus driver 40-50 years ago. He told me a story how he and a couple of his friends at the bus depot who were also practical jokers, told a rookie driver whose bus wasn't running right to collect some exhaust gas and bring it over to the depot mechanics for analysis. They explained the proper procedure and handed him a big glass jar. The young guy stood behind a running bus with the jar for several minutes, trying to capture the exhaust gas.

[filozof97]

My grandpa way back into 50s was driving truck from  one non - electrified village to another, collecting the batteries and taking them back to town for recharging. Once, he picked up some kids hitchiking. After he returned to the same village in a week or so, he noticed that all children there have their pants burned on the bottom. Yes, during the ride they sat on the batteries, and acid done the rest.

 

As You may know, two stroke engines can go forward and backward if the ignition timing is changed. One guy left his Trabant for some usual adjustments. He picked up the car and came back in five minutes, telling that his car has one gear forward and four backwards.

 

In 1990s it was quite popular to install aftermarket sunroofs.  My dad was then studying in automotive technician school and someone left red Fiat 126p for oil change. At the same time, someone left another red one for sunroof instalation... yep, it was installed in wrong one. Also, the main tool for cutting the car roof was tin opener.

 

Once i met a guy who had Trabant back in the 80s. He worked for television; ending his shift late at night in winter, found his car under the snow, unlocked and opened the door, put the key in the ignition lock, tried to start the car, but the ignition switch wouldn't turn. Then he looked around and noticed, that the upholstery is different. Trabant have had only about 100 different door key cuts patterns, so such mistake was quite presumable.

 

In 1989 my father and grandpa took a trip to Soviet Union. Back then, You paid for a fuel at first, then filled tank of your car with the paid amount of gasoline. But what if the amount paid was more than the tank capacity? Well... nothing.

There was no way to stop the pump; all the fuel was spilling on the ground.

 

Once, parking 1936 Packard 120 I heard 5 yo children screaming "Look dad, what a lovely car! It must be the newest model!"

 

Citroen C5 is equipped with hydropneumatic suspension, which lets driver adjust ride height and levels itself automatically. Also, it levels itself after unlocking;  front and or rear end  may rise or fall up to 5 cm. Just after the high-school exams, on school parking, a friend of mine tried to lean on the hood of my Citroen. At the same tame, I opened the door; car leveled itself, lowered by 5 cm; she lost her expected fulcrum and fell on the ground, screaming that my car is haunted.

 

Edited March 28, 2018 by filozof97 (see edit history)

[superior1980]

I can think of several stories, but one that comes to mind right now involves my 1985 Packard-Bayliff.  What's a Packard-Bayliff?  There was a company during the 1980s called the Bayliff Coach Corporation that was customizing new GM products into his idea of what a modern Packard might have looked like.  Anyway, my car started out as a Buick Riviera, and they turned it into a four-door car by stretching it behind the firewall and adding the front doors from a Cadillac Seville.  Underneath all the customizations, the car retains its Buick VIN tag and is titled and licensed as a Buick.

 

So when I bought the car, the power rear view mirrors weren't working, so I went to my local Cadillac dealer.  I pulled into the service center and a nicely dressed serviceman in white button down shirt and tie comes over with his clipboard and starts writing down the car information.  Then he asked what the problem was and I told him the mirrors weren't working.  We go over to his computer and he tells me the VIN comes back as being a Buick Riviera.  I said yes, but the front doors are off a Cadillac Seville, and gave a brief story of the car.  He just looks at me with a blank stare and repeats that the VIN comes back as being a Buick Riviera.  And again I try to explain that yes, I know, but the part he needs to deal with is from a Cadillac.  He clearly didn't get it, and said, "Let me call over the service tech who will be working on your car so you can explain it to him."  So the tech comes over from the car he had been working on and asks what the problem is.  I said my power mirrors don't work and they're from a Cadillac Seville.  He looks at both of us and says, "Okay, so what did you call me over for?"  And I replied, "Because the suit couldn't think beyond his computer screen."

 

Another one from when I was a bus driver.  One day my regularly assigned bus was down for maintenance, so I was assigned to a substitute bus and the dispatcher gave me a key.  I went to the bus and the key wouldn't work.  Fiddled with it a few times and still wouldn't work.  I then took the key out and looked at, and realized that the key had a Ford oval on the head but a Chevy bowtie was on the steering wheel.  So I go back to the dispatcher and said you gave me the wrong key.  She looks at me puzzled and said, "No, that's a bus key."  I replied, "Yes, but this is a Ford key and the bus is on a Chevy chassis."  She just goes, "Um, um, go talk to the mechanics, maybe they can figure it out."  So I go to the head mechanic and explain that the dispatcher doesn't understand the difference between a Ford and a Chevy and so I was told that I need to borrow his key for the day.

 

This one happened just last week.  I currently have two cars at a restoration shop.  One is a Packard, and one is a 1981 Chrysler Imperial.  I found a local Chrysler dealer that still had Imperial trim pieces in stock, so I went and bought them.  I told my mom how happy and surprised I was to be able to find NOS pieces still at a dealer, and she innocently asked which car they were for.  With a straight face I just replied, "They're for the Imperial.  I couldn't find the Packard dealer."

Edited March 27, 2018 by superior1980 (see edit history)

[Guest]

OK, maybe not everyone will get this but, when I was a kid I met Tom "The Mongoose" McEwen at Seattle International Raceway...... 

[Guest]

....Hey! I just realized that was EXACTLY 47 years ago today! 

[JACK M]

I could tell you a lot of funny things that happened to me while racing but will limit myself.

Once something came thru the screen and hit my face shield. When I got to the pits my lap was full of needle bearings and part of a cup.

 

Another time I was in the lead and coming off the turn there was a couple of cars tangled on the back stretch, In those days we raced to the yellow so I needed to snake my way thru the wreck when I realized that a wheel and tire assembly was in the air and I couldn't decide to try and slow down or speed up. Its always best to speed up, especially when in the lead.

The wheel and tire landed on my hood and dented it such that it folded the hood and wedged itself between the fender and bent hood. Curiously  the yellow didn't come out as these tangled cars were able to clear the track by the time we came back around.

When the race got over (I won by the way) I pulled past the pit with the three wheeled car in it and his crew guy thanked me for bringing their equipment back to him.

That photo and story made the local newspaper.

 

Once we were racing at an unfamiliar track and I was BSing with an official when a wreck happened that broke off another wheel and tire assembly, That one got hit and punted up into the stands. It was like slow motion to see the spectators part to let that tire bounce off the bleachers and over the top and into the concession area behind the stands. It didn't hit anybody but bounced over the fence and thru some poor schmucks windshield in the parking lot.

The officials radio lit up for an ambulance call as someone in the stands turned and ankle or something when the crowd parted. Well, they produced about a 1950 something Pontiac ambulance that was parked in the pits, but they had to push it over to the grandstands with a push truck because it didn't run.

I asked the official what if they ever had to transport some one. He calmly said "well then we use the tow truck".

He was joking, the local fire house was less than a block away.

 

It always seems that just about when you think you have seen it all..........................

 

Edited March 28, 2018 by JACK M (see edit history)

[Frank DuVal]

Quote

OK, maybe not everyone will get this

 

Oh, I got it! Funny Car     Stories..... 

[DAVES89]

There was a time that there were three of us in my buddy's 69 Chevelle with a Black interior. We were all sitting in the front bench seat [with me on the outside passenger side] and decided to cruise through McDonalds. It was night time and dark out so as we came around the building I made like I had to get something off the floor so I was bent over. These two guys sitting next to each other raised a few eyebrows especially since they stopped to talk to some other guys. After about 30-40 seconds or so I popped up and the guys outside the car relaxed and said they were worried about what was going on with the two guys in the car.

 "Not that there is anything wrong with it"...

[Bush Mechanic]

4 hours ago, Frank DuVal said:

 

Oh, I got it! Funny Car     Stories..... 

 

Duh, I may have missed it, Frank.  Thought it was a reference to Kipling's  Rikki Tikki Tavi. The mongoose and the snake.

[plymouthcranbrook]

"Not that there is anything wrong with it"...  Mandatory disclaimer

[DAVES89]

6 minutes ago, plymouthcranbrook said:

"Not that there is anything wrong with it"...  Mandatory disclaimer

And a famous line from Seinfeld...

[JACK M]

A friend of mine tells this high school story and it may get deleted.

A few of guys were out cruising and the passenger in the back seat decided it might be fun to hang a BA. (you remember those)

The car hit a bump or something like that and he slipped and ran the window crank up deep you know where.

A trip to the hospital as he was bleeding pretty badly. And a VERY uncomfortable few weeks. 

[Pomeroy41144]

On ‎3‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 2:37 AM, GregLaR said:

OK, maybe not everyone will get this but, when I was a kid I met Tom "The Mongoose" McEwen at Seattle International Raceway...... 

 

 

I have been struggling for days not to post a "Funny Car" reference on the Funny Car thread.  My discipline held. 

[Restorer32]

Three of us in the back seat of a buddy's car going somewhere I don't remember. Windows open, enjoying the warm Summer day. A dude on a Harley with his woman on the pack passes us. My buddy, sitting by the window, yells a disparaging remark to the biker, something about the size of his woman's butt as I remember. A mile or so down the road we come to a stop light. The biker,  now in front of us, stops,  gets off his bike and walks back toward our car, a big grin on his face,  ambling slowly,  no sign whatsoever that he is angry about the remark. Just in case,  my buddy quickly closes the window. Biker dude gets to the car, still smiling pleasantly.  Maybe he wants directions?  He taps on the window and my buddy smiles and lowers the window. Took several weeks for my buddy's black eyes and bloody nose to heal. I suspect the biker's knuckles took a while to heal as well. 

[superior1980]

I have a story that I was refraining from telling because I wanted to keep the thread clean, but since its deviated, I'll follow suit.  I have a collection of vintage hearses and one of the most common and most annoying questions I get is "have you ever had sex in the back?"  After finally hearing this one too many times, I figured that a stupid question deserves a stupid answer, and I replied with "That depends.  Do you mean with living people?"

[Restorer32]

Great retort!

[Guest]

5 hours ago, Pomeroy41144 said:

 

 

I have been struggling for days not to post a "Funny Car" reference on the Funny Car thread.  My discipline held. 

 

Ditto Pom.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.......

When nobody else bit, I struggled as well, but in the end I just couldn't let it go.