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Ramblings from Wayne!


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Ramblings from Wayne<O:p</O:p

<O:p</O:p

That darn cat! Yep, he lost his flea collar yesterday. I had to get another new one out of the package for him. He sleeps at the foot of my bed at night so I certainly would not be happy with fleas in my bed.

<O:p</O:pAs I was watering my rose bushes this morning, I noticed something in the back of the flower bed??? Yep, just as I thought, I had found his old flea collar still looking good. I threw it up on the porch while I finished watering the bushes.

<O:p</O:pNow, as my day has been stressful with the usual Monday morning blues, I was thinking, “Gosh, I can’t throw that good flea collar away. It was only a month old!” Of course my farmer upbringing refuses to throw anything away until it absolutely has no more life in it. You can think here guys about the many patched pants legs, riveted old belts, and grocery bag book covers of our past.

<O:p</O:pSo, what to do with that flea collar? I know, my neighbor, the friendly sort, needs a little needling! I have heard him many times talking about that darn opossum that runs around the neighborhood at night eating the leftover cat food. <O:p</O:p“I know!”, thinking to myself! “I’ll trap that darn opossum, and somehow put that flea collar on him! That should get my neighbor going.” I didn’t say it would be easy putting the collar after catching him.

<O:p</O:p“Well, darn”, he’d say! Someone has made a pet out of that “Ol Opossum!”

<O:p</O:p<O:p</O:pHee, Hee! I love to mess with people. Carry on guys!<O:p</O:p

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  • 2 months later...

That was some time ago, Jon. That opossum has been moved on to greener pastures. As far as magazine submissions, I have pestered West Peterson about using my stories, but West's boss Mr. Moskowitz says, "Car related" only. I haven't worked around that angle yet. I'm thinking though. Smell the smoke? :cool:

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  • 5 months later...

Hey guys, I had forgotten I had written this until I found it cleaning up my pc today. Probably not worth much but, what the heck, editors love to share their stories, even retired ones like me. Check it out. Let me know if any of you have had this happen to you. Wayne

A Week in Wayne’s World!

Have you guys ever noticed a weird feeling, maybe a chill down your back? How about you science geek guys? Ever think there has a been a stitch in time, or maybe a time warp or something?

Well, here's my story, explain to me what it was. I was "honey doing" for my wife this past Monday, and passed a lady in the grocery store that I knew from my early days growing up in Lottsburg, Virginia. I just said Hello, because being the old person that I am, I couldn't remember her name???? Picking up the gallon of milk for the "honey", I walked back towards the lady who was now in the cheese section, still trying my best to remember her name. Then it hit me, just in time. Proudly I spoke to "Betsy" (name changed, as all here will be)

"Hi Betsy, how are you?"

"I am fine!", she replied!

I sheepishly explained to her that I had forgotten her name at first meeting her. She said that's ok, you used to call me "Little Mary"!???? Ummm, I used to date Betsy's sister back in the 60"s.

"Really?"

I explained that I didn't remember that, as she went on to tell me "the tale". She said that she still remembered me bringing "Mary" a milkshake to help ease the pain of a wisdom tooth removal back in '64 or so. Betsy then said, "You brought me one too!"

"What?" you remember a milk shake given to you back in 1964? Crazy!

Stand by guys, it gets worse.

I lost a close classmate this week. On the way to Sylvia's viewing, I stopped at "Micky D's Place" for my old people (read cheap) dinner. $3.49, including ice cream, really!!! I spoke to this couple that looked familiar to me, and sat down to eat my dinner with them. She asked me if I was Wayne Burgess?

"Why yes I am," I replied.

"Well, I am James Vanlandingham's daughter and this is my husband, "John" sitting beside me. John is the person who crashed into your black Chevrolet (1964 Impala) in Callao, Virginia back in 1965 or 66!"

"What? I say? You remember that?"

"Yes!" she replied, "and he was late for our date that night too!"

"No doubt!", I thought to myself, with the dealing with the cops, and me trying to explain why I was backing across a highway in the turn that evening. Needless to say, I was late too……wherever I might have been going to????

Is it getting freaky for you yet, guys?

After dinner I traveled on down the neck to Hyacinth, Va. to Sylvia's viewing and expected to see a lot of our classmates. Did I mention that we were all close? Sylvia, Bootsie, and others were already planning our 50thClass reunion for next year, when Sylvia passed away. Not to sound morbid, but it was a celebration of life at the church as all of my classmates reminisced about Sylvia's life and our experiences with her. As I was teasing "Jack", I spotted "Esther" and told her I had to have a hug. After messing with the girls, "Esther" looked me in the eye and asked, "What is Margaret Ann up to?"

Margaret who????? I was thought to myself. For the life of me, I couldn't re-member a single Margaret in my life. What she said next really hit me between the eyes!

"You know? "Fanny" your grandmother?‟

Esther went on to say, "Sometimes "Fanny" brought Margaret Ann (my first cousin) down next to my house. My Great Uncle John (Fanny's brother) lived next door to "Esther"!

"For crying out loud, Esther, You and I went to high school together for 5 years, your brother used to work for me back in 1984-85, and NOW you are asking me about Margaret Ann, who I haven't seen in 40 years myself, or asking about my grandmother, who I never thought you even knew?"

………… Freaky, I tell you.

Of course today, I visit a local rest home which is 2 buildings from my "Milk Shake" Mary's home with her husband. And, to make it worse? Her childhood neighbor, Hilton walks by with his walker at the rest home, while I was there!

I‟m telling you, I‟m going to bed for a few weeks. Got to be cracking up, or that stitch in time, or something!

Edited by R W Burgess
It was a '64, my first car, Duh! (see edit history)
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Wayne, great reminiscing! Enjoyed reading the above, and love the cat collar on the possum story. Reminds me of the time that I had a neighbor with a pet raccoon. Mean little sob, for sure. I was fresh out of college, my first job with DuPont, and two friends and I had rented a house in Camden, South Carolina. We didn't realize that we'd moved in next door to a crazy family. There was the mother, daughter, and son, and each a little nuttier than the last.

One evening I got a call from the mother, she asked me to steal her son's car. Huh? Well, he wasn't doing what he was supposed to do, and being mean to her, so she'd leave the keys under the floor mat, I just needed to take it and hide it between my house and garage. Well, crazy, yeah, but it fit in with the family, so that night I drifted over and did the deed. Awoke the next morning to blue flashing lights next door, the son had called the police and the mother wasn't even awake yet! As Ricky told Lucy, I had some 'splainin' to do! At the time, I was 22 years old, and already had my first four cars, 1928 coupe and 1931 Tudor, both Chevrolets, and '24 touring and '25 coupe, both Dodge Brothers. Back then you could get a grin out of someone, when you explained that those last cars didn't need good brakes, there was a notice right there on the radiator, "Dodge, Brothers!"

All right, a question for someone, I have a manuscript, 70,000 words or so, 26 chapters or so, professionally edited and just about ready for print. It's all about my years of collecting and some of the car related stories, with a little life mixed in. Who knows how I can get it in print? I really want hardcover, and the other stumbling block I've found is that I have pictures that go with just about every story, and some publishers won't do pictures. Thoughts, anyone!

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......All right, a question for someone, I have a manuscript, 70,000 words or so, 26 chapters or so, professionally edited and just about ready for print. It's all about my years of collecting and some of the car related stories, with a little life mixed in. Who knows how I can get it in print? I really want hardcover, and the other stumbling block I've found is that I have pictures that go with just about every story, and some publishers won't do pictures. Thoughts, anyone!

Good question, David. I'd like the answer to that question. Let me see what a friend knows. W.

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I co-published one, approximately the same size. My co-author found the printer/publisher who is in Jacksonville, FL. It will cost you a lot of money and a lot more with pictures. The return is at a minimum. I just bought 10 back from the printer who didn't sell a one. If you want to know more, write to me and I'll give you my co-author's address and he can fill you in with the contacts. When you self-publish you have to sell them yourself. I thought since I was well known in the hobby a lot of people would want to read it, or at least by it through kindle. I made it a docu-novel, and no real names were used, so perhaps that is why it didn't sell, or, maybe it was just boring.

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I don't really want to spend a lot of money on an ego trip. I'm in the unusual position of have a brother and two sisters, all of whom have published books. So, having the manuscript (a result of one sister pushing, and many, many nights traveling for business with nothing else to do) is somewhat of an embarrassment, since it's not published. The books they've done don't fit the mold of what I've written, thus their publishers aren't interested.

I'm not looking to make money, just would like to have it in hardback and the memories preserved. I've had the thoughts as you state, that I have so many contacts in the hobby it would sell, but the reality is, when the money needs to change hands, it's not always like you think.

I appreciate the lead, but again, am not interested in spending a lot of money. I know there are print-on-demand services, but I'm somewhat baffled how to get there. thanks dc

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There are ads in the New Yorker magazine for self publishing concerns. Did you know that you can "rent" shelf space at such places as Border's Books etc to display and hopefully sell your book? Sounds to me like your manuscript might make an interesting series of articles in one of the major antique car mags. I would read it.

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